A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Dear Aunts, I need a little advice on my situation, any comments I will greatly appreciate.I have been in a relationship with my bf for nearlly 2 years now, I live with him in his house and have done for over a year. I love this guy so much, he's kind, caring, he adores me and tell me he loves me all the time. Problem is we have not been intimate for about a year now, meaning we have only kissed and hugged for about a year nothing more.This really started to upset me as I was once told if thier is no intimacy then its falling apart and the other person does not love you. I know this is not true as he tells me all the time and I can see he loves me. We've been to the doctors etc etc but he is under alot of stress at work, so he just puts it down to that and that also he just never feels like it anymore. He is twice my age, I'm 19 and he is 38, however this has never been an issue for us.Thing is I would consider him a 'fragile' person, meaning that I know he would take a break up really badly, but I love him so much and don't want to end it with him, now my dilemma! I have met someone else, I met him six months ago and he is an amazing guy, we laugh, joke, he's so nice to me and we have been having sex. I know I cheated, I know I am a bad person! But losing the intimacy with my boyfriend really upset me and made me feel like I wasn't liked anymore. Anyway, this new guy wants us to get together, I know me and him will have to be a secret for a while (he's an asain and my family will have to try and warm to him...yet another problem) But being with him reminds me what it was like being with my bf when we started out. I have had fights with my bf about how we dont have sex, go out, do things together etc but he says he will change and never does.What do I do? do you think I should leave my bf for this new guy I have met? I love my bf so so much, but being intimate with him is no existant and this hurts me! This new guy is him in the start! What do you think I should do as this is upsetting me everyday! Please help... (sorry for the long post)
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male
reader, eddie  +, writes (4 December 2006):
 Well the age gap is quite extreme although this is no reason for no sex. But let me understand something. IF you've been dating for two years, youwere 17 and he was 36. That's wrong and I question the integrity of ANY man who thinks he can relate to a teenager as a partner. It's also not rreally common for someone your age to desire to be witha man so old.
Unfortunately you've compounded the problem ten fold. Although it doesn't always work out this way, there is a proper order of operations that one should follow in ths situation..
1. Talk to your boyfrind and calmly discuss the issue. Work at it and hope for change.
2. Give it some time. If nothing changes talk again. Give it some more time and if still there is no cahnge, announce to him you're moving on.
This way, you can hold your head up high and say you've tried.
You don't love your boyfrind that much either. People who "love" somebody don't do all the nasty things you've done. You let another relationship evolve, so in reality, it's more than sex you've found. You like the other guy for who he is too. That's not bad and it's understandable why you're looking elsewhere but you should hae ended the firts relationship before you started the other one.
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