A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hyah I wrote earlier this month asking for advice about sleeping with my ex. I did what I am sure is the right thing and told him that I couldn't as I still had feelings for him. He said that he understood and that if I ever felt down he would come down but he couldn't me anything more and we've agreed to be mates. The thing is a couple of weeks ago we were texting and things seemed ok between us, but then I have tried to contact him a couple of times recently and havn't heard anything back. I have been having problems with my mobile, not receiving texts sent to me and others don't always recieve the ones I send,which is being looked into by my providor. But I don't know whether he has received my texts or if he is ignoring me or even if he has tried to contact me and I just havn't received anything. I know that I should wait for him to contact me (if he is going to) but I wish he would just tell me if he doesn't want to keep in touch. Although that would be hard as we go to the same pub. I don't think that I have done anything wrong, my sister was in the pub last week and he was fine with her, gave her a big hug and wasn't awkward around her at all, which I think he would be if something was wrong. I'm sorry that this seems so petty, I felt like I was starting to get over him and this has set me back. Why does it that the saying treat them mean, keep them keen really does happen.Should I wait for him to contact me?
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi again,
I'd like to thank you all for answering. Deep down I know what I have to do . . . not contact him, but it is difficult as I really did fall for this guy. Anyway this has been taken out of my hands for a few days at least as my phone has been sent away to be repaired, so that will give me a few days to start to clear my head again. It's crazy I know what I would tell my friends and its the advice that you's have given its just difficult to put it into practice when its yourself.
I am proud of myself too for not sleeping with him as there have been times when I have been so tempted, but my dignity has stopped me as I have never slept around in the past and I sort of felt like thats what I would have been doing, even though we know each other really well.
I have been talking to my manager at work who is helping me to sort out my CV cos to be honest I'm not really happy there either and I feel like I need more of a challenge, so I'm going to concentrate on that for the next few weeks and spending time with friends. I know iits not gonna be easy but hey, what is in life, I have it really easy compared to some.
Thanks again, fingers crossed this time in a couple of months I'll be back to my normal self. XX
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2007): I need to be straightforward here. Do not wait for this man to contact you. Get out there and start living your life and stop waiting! Unless he fell off the earth, it sounds like he played you big time. In other words, no sex, no prize. And is he really a prize of a man to do that to you? I am sorry..I have to say this. It doesn't sound like your ex bf is really that interested. If he was, he would've found a way to contact you by now. Text messaging is not the only way to contact people. I fully realize that this unreasonable concept is causing you angst and you are struggling to come to grips with that. Your feelings are blinding your rationale thought here. You need to think, girl. You need to focus on the word 'choice'. You ex bf has chosen to take the action of ignoring you. What is that telling you. Now remember, every choice a person makes is a result of a choice your ex bf has made with clear intent. You did the right thing. You told him you would not just sleep with him and be a sperm depository whenever he needed his jollies. Good for you-I am proud that you have dignity. So many females don't and then lament about the huge emotional price they pay later on , down the road.
If he is playing this game "treat them mean, keep them keen" . Is that really respectful to you? Is that love? Dear, get the courage to just step back and say.."I don't need this BS...from anyone!" You need to self-clarify this whole scenario for you so you can move on, heal and recover from this man. So you can get your life back again. You deserve to be happy but you need to help yourself here and he's simply not giving you the respect of being honest and truthful here. Each of us is not what someone else wants to with us sexually. So, don't fall into that trap. Pride, dignity, emotional health, maturity and accomplishments will be the results of the courageous, hard fought steps you need to take, to getting over this man. I know facing the truths is unpleasant because it forces you to do something , than sit, wait and falsely hope...he'll text you. The guy is not forthcoming, he's not treating you well, so kick his ass to the curb and get out there and enjoy your life, in the more positive, happy way possible. It's takes strength, but believe me, many females reading this will say....we've all been there and we recovered.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (12 February 2007):
 Are you trying to get over this guy? If you are, you need to stop the text messaging and all contact for awhile. And by "awhile" I mean a couple of months. Once you are completely, COMPLETELY over him, then maybe you can talk again sometimes. But right now, you're still trying to get him back and with every text message you send, you take one step backwards.
Keep that in mind, girl.
xxIndia
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A
female
reader, AngelofLove +, writes (12 February 2007):
 Regardless if he received messages or not, do not contact him.
You have both agreed to be friends. Contacting him will make you look "clingy".
Focus on going out and meet other people. It is time to let go and move on. Do not drag this hope any longer, space will do you good and allow you to use energy else where.
If he does not call back, then you know that he does not want to keep in touch. Either way, it is a good idea to stay away specially until your feelings are sorted out.
Stay strong and good luck
Angel of Love
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (12 February 2007):
 Well it's definitely one of two things.... either he's not getting your messages or he's plain not interested now you've spelt it out to him that ur not willing to do the no strings sex thing. Send him an email. Don't say anything about ur phone not working and keep it light. Just say something like you haven't heard from him in a while and then tell him everything that's happened in the last week or so in your life. If he's serious about being friends but nothing more he'll email back but if he's just not interested if there's no chance of sex I'd say you're better off without him unfortunately. Hope it works out for you.
CD
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