| A ,
anonymous
writes: Hi I am having a correspondence with a girl in the Ukraine. She seems to be a lovely person, and I know that she wants me to meet her in her home town. What worries me is the difference in our ages, I am in my sixties, she is 26. She knows how old I am and has seen my photos, but says she does not care about me being so much older than her, I have told her that I want to move to Spain to live soon, and she has no problem she says of being there with me. You must understand that I am not some old guy who is on the scrapheap, I don't look my age, and I am quite fit too. She is beautiful, and I want her very much, but the age gap nags in the back of my mind. My question is- do you think that I should pursue the relationship, or, finish with her. Or do you think that there is a chance that we could be happy together for my remaining years, and make her happy with the love that I have to offer her. I should like your advice, my mind is in turmoil. My regards. Alan. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, disappointedwoman1  +, writes (23 February 2009):
These women generally sign up for these agencies because they want to get out of a harsh economic situation...not because they can't find a decent man in their own country. You are looking at a huge age difference...so you should be asking yourself what you will actually get out of the relationship...besides sex from a hottie young enough to be your daughter. I'm not trying to be harsh...but that's the reality of it....what do you have with this girl other than a fantasy of a life you want with a girl you don't even know. Many older men do this stuff...and it is sad....if you want a girl who will love you for you, then look for someone with similar interests that you can date and get to know. The mail order bride thing is just prostitution with a license involved.
A
female
reader, disappointedwoman1 +, writes (23 February 2009):
These women generally sign up for these agencies because they want to get out of a harsh economic situation...not because they can't find a decent man in their own country. You are looking at a huge age difference...so you should be asking yourself what you will actually get out of the relationship...besides sex from a hottie young enough to be your daughter. I'm not trying to be harsh...but that's the reality of it....what do you have with this girl other than a fantasy of a life you want with a girl you don't even know. Many older men do this stuff...and it is sad....if you want a girl who will love you for you, then look for someone with similar interests that you can date and get to know. The mail order bride thing is just prostitution with a license involved.
...............................
A
reader, sxymamicuta +, writes (28 April 2005):
Hello Alan, I think that hey it could work...but most of those women just want an American to bring them over here to the States to get their papers and eat up all your money. Then it ends up breaking the relationship. Now of course I may be wrong but I have seen it happen, so please get to know the young lady first. Just keep in mind of what I said.
...............................
A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (13 January 2005):
 Hi Alan,First off, I do believe that there's a chance that you could be happy together, your ages notwithstanding. As with any potential relationship (Let's not forget that you two haven't actually met yet, so it's a bit early to be thinking of your golden years together), there is a chance that you two could be perfect for each other. Of course there is - as in any relationship that's untried - an equal if not larger chance that it won't work out that way. Think of all the women that you've dated and/or shown romantic interest in, during your life. How many of those relationships brought you real, long-term pleasure? If you're like most people, probably only one or two. Or none. So taking a chance on this woman is a similar sort of risk to, for example, dating any random woman that you met in a supermarket carpark. Every meeting with a member of the other sex is a lottery.If you and she decide to meet and see where things go, though, I have to recommend that you do so with your eyes well open to all the possibilities, including that this woman may have ulterior motives, mainly that she may be seeking to get out of Ukraine and move to ANYWHERE else. As you probably already know if you've corresponded with her for very long, life is exceedingly difficult in that country. Wages are poor and jobs are hard to find. Alcoholism is rife in large portions of the population, and not surprisingly, people - especially young women - will sacrifice a great deal for a chance at a better life. Some of these women might even be willing to befriend a lonely, kind gentleman a few decades older and use him for whatever they might be able to get. Read up on Ukraine and the standard of living, so you are prepared for this possibility.Not that I'm suggesting that your lady friend has this in mind, but you seem to be sensitive and caring, your letter indicates that you may be financially comfortable... maybe in need of some affection too... and there are people who would take advantage of that.There is also the consideration of the difference in cultures. This is always a difficult issue to overcome, and I speak from experience, as I am an immigrant and married to a native in my country. The adjustment to living under new "rules" and expectations, and the challenges of language can be difficult; you can expect years of mistakes and corrections were she to come and live with you.My final thought is that a woman of 26 has a very different set of goals than a man of 64. There is every chance that she will want to settle down and have at least one child, some day. Are you ready to be a dad and face nighttime feedings and dirty nappies until you're nearing 70? Alternatively, would you deny her the pleasure of having children, were the two of you to disagree on the matter? These questions are worth considering.Briefly put, were I in your shoes, I would think very, very carefully about not only the possibility of heartbreak and disappointment, but also of the unique difficulties of inra-culture relationships and the real chance of your being conned. Take a long time to get to know this woman, and, if she does come to visit you, don't allow her to move in until you have had a chance to discuss your situation with a legal advisor. It's just common sense to look after yourself first.After all that, if she's still keen, then you'll know for certain that what she really wants is YOU.Good luck, Alan!
...............................
|
