A
female
age
30-35,
*ani007
writes:well me and my fiancee have been together for 3 years now.But he has changed alot towards me he hardly says he loves me he is not that caring anymore he hardly tries to make conversation but we always seem to argue over ridicuolous stuff.He gets mad when i ask him anything.He seems to have to kind of patience towards me its almost as if he doesnt love me.And now i find myself 6 months pregnant and he works 12 hour night shifts and sleeps all through the day until one hour before he gets ready and leaves back to work so i spend most of my time by myself.On his days off we only seem to do whatever he feels like doing.And whenever I'm not feeling well i leave to my mothers house for like a week since i feel so lonely and miserable but he only calls once or doesnt call at all.I just wished he would be more loving and caring now that im pregnant but all he does is yell at me when i try talking to him or askin him any kind of question.He never acted this way it seemed to get worse right after he found out i was pregnant.We do have sex but i dont feel the same connection we use to have before i wasnt pregnant.And plus he doesnt seem to care where im at or what im doing when for 2 years all he would do is blow up my phone and text me like crazy and was very jealous too.I really dont know whats going on through mind but im so very much terrified im gonna end up leaving him while being pregnant he already has a son with his ex wife that relationship only lasted 1 year and he claims he never loved her so thats why he called it quits and because she was so aggressive and jealous but i have none of those qualities i just want him to be their for me and he's just not and that hurts me
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2009): Some thoughts...
I think a major issue here is his previous baby mama. The minute you said you were pregnant perhaps he transferred all his misgivings and feelings about her, squarely right onto your shoulders.
Also, is he a good father to his son? If not, there are major issues with him and kids in general that need to be ironed out. and not just that, perhaps issues with responsibility as well. He might be struggling with the looming sense of responsibility that a pregnancy casts. He might feel trapped in his job with no ability to experiment with other vocations/times because of all his obligations. Work is stressing him, it doesn't sound like he likes his job at all., but he has no OPTION to change that. Or so he must think.
That probably makes him feel like he's in a cage, and you are the gaoler... No fault of yours. Just I'm betting that's part of his mindset.
What do I suggest... I say go to him, tell him he doesn't have to work so much and you support a possible job shift in him. Assure him that you two will figure it out, together, and his happiness is very important to you. To that you might say, but he hasn't shown MY happiness is important to him! Well, its a two way street, sweetheart.
Also, assure him that you are not his ex girlfriend and just cuz you are pregnant like she got, that still doesn't make you her.
Basically, you don't want to be the villain in this situation..it sounds like his mind is unfairly villainizing you, though he does seem to be fighting it a bit. You want to be the understanding compassionate partner. His rock. So work on that image. I wish you all the best.
~G
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