A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for a little over a year now. This whole year of the relationship has mostly been long distance though he and I have visited each other on and off throughout it. Considering the long distance, I suppose trust became questionable, at least for me. Everything seemed to fall a little too into place that my paranoid self did a little snooping. Several months ago, I found my boyfriend had signed up for at least six or seven dating sites (that I at least had proof of and also few of which were leaning more toward just pure Adult sites). I did confront him, but he immediately denied all of it. Him and I both knowing I had proof, I'm not sure if that's the only reason he ended up telling the truth or what I like to call "just trying to reason with me." In his words, "I had gotten bored one night and decided to add random apps to my iPhone and see if I could find any of my friends lame enough to sign up for these sites to try and get dates." We talked for hours on this matter as he tried to convince me that he was being completely honest. This was the first time we have ever had a problem with trust. I let it go for a while, but some nights, I can't help but to think about it. It just never processed fully in my head how one person would be so determined to find friends on dating sites, plus sexual social networking sites? It's been 5 months since it has happened and I've never come to accept that that is what really went on. The perceptions I come up with of him doing other than that (masturbating to porn, flirting, or even just seeing who else is out there relationship wise or just sexually) just tears me apart; I know I'd be hurt if he told me that what I believe really went on was true, but at least I wouldn't have to question this subject anymore or question our trust entirely. I feel like he's made me believe in more lies before and after that event now which also has made me more stressed than I probably need to be. I feel like I need to keep snooping to be satisfied that I have nothing to worry about; I hate always feeling like I have to second guess myself about him. Maybe I shouldn't have even let our relationship go past that event, but I wanted to try to believe him so badly. I'm really not sure what to do at this point.
View related questions:
flirt, long distance, porn Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2010): This guy seems to be very dishonest and a bit immature. LD can be tough, Ive done that before. However, boundaries should have been created by both and perhaps his boundaries were implied. Sometimes us men are dumb and dont take hints lol and it needs to be spelled out...no dating sites. I agree what he did was wrong and untruthful. Have you asked yourself why youd wanna keep this reltaionship? How do u plan on working out the distance? ... I dont think this is the guy youre looking for as he may take advantage of sweet, nice women like you cause you simply forgive and therefore repeast what he has done. If he wants to learn, I think he should pay a consequence and that is to end the relationship.
regardless, of what happens if he comes clean or denies, you will still have a trust issue most likely subconsciously. However, the more you feel it the more u wanna bring it out in the open like you did here. I see you being possibly hurt more in future and would hate to see you take that risk, especially with a LDR.
If you decide to rebuild trust, I found great books that cover steps to take. Its a gameplan and its not easy. However, if both are committed it can def work.Hope this helps.
|
