A
male
age
36-40,
*nonymous in New England
writes:I dated a girl on and off for 5 years, starting when we were 17. She would leave me for other guys because it was attention from someone new; I think she was trying to reassure herself she was pretty. Then she would say she misses me, and I would get back together with her. All 6 times we broke up, she started the new fling while we were still together, which was a little upsetting because she was cheating on me. And everytime we broke up it would be for about a month. We broke up for the final time in beginning of October 2008; she again left me to be with someone else. I was very, very hurt this time, she broke my heart, and I didn't talk to her until about 4 days ago. I have never had feelings for any other girl, and don't want to have feelings for anyone else. She texted me because she saw me at school at a community college we both go to. I gave in and texted her back that i didn't see her. She texted me that she misses me. When she said that, I caved in and told her that I miss her everyday. She said she misses me everyday too. We then started texting back and forth just talking about the day and stuff. Last night I told her I was having a fire and she could stop by if she'd like, and she did. We went back into the house, one thing led to another, and we had sex. I don't know if she's with someone or not, but she told me we can't have a relationship, she's still trying to find herself. But she also tells me that she thinks we're going to get married one day. I'm really confused what to think or do. She tells me that she doesn't want a relationship, but that she wants to see me again. She said she still wants to be with me, and still loves me, but we can't be together right now in time. I want to be with her more than anything, and would wait forever for her, but that wouldn't be fair to me. I don't want to see her again because I still have feelings for her, and a friendship wouldn't work. She wants to meet up again, and I've thought about hooking up with her again just so I got to see her and be with her. But at this rate, I'll never get over her; I never did before either. Any advice would be great. Thanks.
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male
reader, steaknife +, writes (28 May 2009):
It sounds like she's stringing you along. This does not sound to me like its a healthy relationship at all.
If you decide to end it with her, make sure that you are firm in your determination, otherwise I fear she may continue on this pattern with you.
One thing I've noticed with me is that when I was able to avoid contacting them for several months, close to a half year, my emotions towards the girl I fancied had died away considerably.
If avoiding contact does not work, and after many months pass by and you still have these feelings for her, this is something that I had done that worked. Think of how she had hurt you and be a little angry at her because of how much she hurt you. Hold the anger for a while until the original longing dissipates and slowly let go of your anger. It helped me get over a girl that I had dated for awhile and after wards, I was still able to continue being friends with her.
For the first technique, I guess it would be called, takes between a half a year to 9 months. While the second could take a while longer.
Yes I understand that either way may not be exactly fair to the girl in some way. But I think that it would be justified in the manner in which she has strung him along for as long as she did.
I hope this helps any.
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