A
female
age
30-35,
*okyodogs
writes:So, my long distace boyfriend and I have started dating for about a month now and it's been going pretty well but sometimes we get on the topic about one of us not being good for each other. My boyfriend has never had a girlfriend and never had sex (that's why he always talks about it to me and wants to do it -.-; ) because they don't teach about that in school in his country. So I sometimes tell him what I learned or if he had questions. I am fine with that. I also told him my experience of having 3 boyfriends (he becomes sad when i mention about my past bfs) that actually only wanted to do sex with me and not have a relationship (and also I was almost raped 5 times while I was in USA) and he promised me that he would be the man to protect me and not let that happen to me again which made me happy but whenever we get on the topic of having sex, he gets all crazy and says he wants me really badly. I'm okay with talking about it but I worry that he might cheat on me and do it with other girls when he comes to Japan to meet me. I told him how I felt about that (since I've been asked to join those prostitute things a lot of times but I always declined) and he told me he will try his best to control himself (seemed interested in doing it but he also said he wants to have sex with me everyday 0.0 ) When he said those words it made me feel sad and I felt like I couldn't trust him. Then after that he said that he will prmise not to go because he loves me a lot and he would be sad if I don't talk to him anymore and he would be sad if he made me heart broken. So I'm very confused because it seems like he really does love me because he calls me his wife, talks about the future of us being together, says he loves me, that I'm the best person in his life, and he would be sad if I was taken away by someone else, etc. But I still feel worried and I don't know if he is really serious or not and if he really does love me (he told me he loves me first though.. I didn't say anything aha). I need advice on what to do. I don't want to break up with him yet.. One more thing, he tells me he misses me so much and that he sometimes says "whenever I love you more or think about you, I feel sad and pain in my chest".. Is it because we are far away? Anyway, I'm worried and I don't want to force him if he really doesn't want to be with me and that's what's making me all cloudy right now and I can't face to talk to him. Thanks and I'm sorry for the long post.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2011): Firstly, you've only been together a month, and by the sounds of it haven't met each other...right? Before you start to think about the future and sex, you need to make sure you actually know who this person is. I don't want to lecture, but people can pretend to be something they're not when you can't see them face to face. Do you talk on the phone? have you seen him on webcam? You're only young still... plenty of time to be getting serious!
have you slept with someone before? those 5 near rapes may affect you in ways you never expected when you come to have sex.
He says he will "try to control" himself... surely if he loved you he wouldnt have a problem controlling himself around other girls. Or did he mean he would try to control himself around you?
He said he would like sex every day... he's a virgin and hasnt felt the pleasure before, so that's probably the excitement talking. You should talk to him about what YOU want from sex... how often, sex or making love etc. You both need to be on the same wavelength, and he should respect your wants and needs too!
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