A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,I met this cool guy through a friend. Im 21, he's 23. She sort of hooked us up, we hadn't seen each other in person but we saw pictures of one another (she showed me), and she got us two talking as I thought he was good looking (in pics) and vice versa, so obviously, we started texting and everything was good.We don't really know much about each other, becase we only went on two dates. Our first date was sort of like a blind date, we hadn't seen each other in person before, but we had phonecalls and we spoke every few days (not everyday).Anyways, the first date was great. There was no hesitation or awkwardness, he was confident and charming, we got on extremely well. We did share a kiss on the first date, we were then just walking around town after lunch, holding hands, etc. I would say we just clicked. We were acting like a couple on our first date lol but it felt nice and it wasn't uncomfortable at all.The second date, we went go-karting and it was really fun, we spent a good 4-5 hours together just having playful banter and enjoying each others company. Again, kisses were shared, his arm was around me, etc. He made it clear he was interested.However, I know he is very independent, which means he's not the type to talk every single day nor does he like texting much, I knew this from before, he has always preferred phone calls, but again, a quick phonecall once every few days is enough for him.After the 2nd date, we agreed to meet up again, we hadn't spoken for a couple of days but he's not one to cancel plans so I was expecting him to get in touch with me, except this time he didn't. We hadn't planned to meet up anywhere etc, so I didn't get ready but his phone was off for 3 days so I thought something happened to him, or I just assumed that he didn't want to see me again. He had not been online on Whatsapp since Friday morning, so I knew his phone was off. I was supposed to see him on that Friday evening and I didn't hear from him until the Monday after, however it was very vague. He seemed quite rushed and it was a little noisy. I asked him "what's up, you just disappeared for a few days" and he said "It's not you, I just have family stuff going on, trust me, it's not you, I'll explain later but right now I'm quite busy so I'll speak to you later" but he never did. So I whatsapp'ed him a couple of days later so ask what's wrong. I don't like being in the unknown and I had assumed he had lost interest with the way he was acting, so I wanted to know. He then wrote "I just have a lot going on in my life, family issues, really not in a good mood to converse, etc" At this point, I assumed he was trying to avoid me. We didn't speak for another 5-6 days, I tried to contact him a couple of times, I messaged him but he just wouldn't reply, so at this point I had overthought everything, I had tried to figure out what was going on, he was behaving really weird, so I called him and he answered and explained to me how his mum had her second stroke (I knew about her first stroke as he told me a little bit about it when we spoke over the phone) on the day he was supposed to see me, and he has been extremely stressed and upset, he also said he didn't want to take out his emotions on me, which is why he preferred not to text/call because he would've come across as aloof and rude, which he did not want. I told him all he had to do was let me know but he said that when he is upset, he tends to keep to himself and not talk until he's feeling better, and that's something he has always done. He explained to me that nothing has changed between me and him, he hasn't stopped talking because he has lost interest, and he said he hopes that this hasn't changed my judgement on him and that I'm still feeling the same way I was feeling after our dates. I was honest and did say that I thought he was no longer interested and that did make me a litte weary. He in a good place, and he mentioned that he won't be okay until his mother gets better (and right now her condition is bad). He did tell me that I can talk to him when I feel like it, but there will be times he won't be in the mood to talk or he may reply a couple of days later, the reason being that he prefers not to be rude when he talks and he doesn't want to come across angry, uninterested, rude, aloof, etc. Therefore, he prefers to keep silent/not reply. (Obviously I don't really like that but at least he was honest)The thing is, I don't know what to do. I spoke to him after that phone call but he was really distant and he said he had been at the hospital all day and he was tired so he went to sleep. I messaged him a few days later to ask him how his day was (although I already know he's just stressed out) and he didn't reply. We haven't spoken in 4 days now. I don't want to burden him or annoy him, he is obviously going through his problems so I don't want to keep messaging him, but then it seems like he has a lot going on in his life and maybe he doesn't need that extra hassle. He has told me he's not in a good mood to talk, I don't really get answers from him. We have spoken 3 times in the past two weeks. (His mum had a stroke 2 weeks ago) I obviously don't want to annoy him but then if I'm the one constantly making the effort to talk, I will feel like im bothering him but then I don't want to be rude and not ask him how he's doing because we do get on well, then again, if he's not replying back I will just feel like there's no interest in me. If I was going through a hard time, I would like it if someone showed me that they still cared by asking how I'm doing, which is why I message him to see how he is. Obviously I don't like it when he doesn't reply but then I can't really do much about that, especially since he's been honest with me by telling me that that's just the way he is in general. Should I just wait for him to talk whenever he's feeling better? The situation is a little complicated. Our dates were really fun, we clicked, but obviously he has a lot on his plate right now, and a stroke is extremely serious so his mother is going to be his main priority.
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female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (22 November 2013):
 Hi, just send a polite message once a week, telling him he is in your thoughts and wishing his mum a speedy recovery. He would appreciate it. Don't call as you would be putting pressure on him as he seem to be a person that likes to grieve privately and distance himself from people when upset.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you, I do appreciate both of your answers. I will give him his space, I haven't spoken to him in 5 days now, I have just left him to it. I was just wondering if I should contact him perhaps once a week/once a fortnight just to see how he is getting on. I don't want him to feel like I don't care because I do, I want to make sure he's alright (and he did say I can contact him, he didn't tell me to stop talking)
I know when I'm down, I'd appreciate if someone asks me how I am every so often... So I just want to treat people the same way I'd like to be treated, that's all. That's why I was just a little confused as to what to do.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (21 November 2013):
 WAIT HIM OUT.
He told you several times he was busy with family issues that it was not you and yet you continued to contact him and demand to know what was going on... two dates do not give you that closeness yet.
HE TOLD YOU... it's NOT YOU it's family issues... and you needed to accept that and go on your merry way.
GO live your life and enjoy... when he is able to he will probably contact you if you give him the space he REQUESTED.
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786 +, writes (21 November 2013):
You need to give him space and let him deal with his sick mom. I suggest you send him a nice text telling him that you would like to get together when he is up to going out. Also tell him that he and his mom are in your prayers and wishing her a speedy recovery. Also tell him you would prefer if he contact you when he is ready or whenever he needs a friend to talk to. Right now he needs a friend more than a GF. So if you feeling neglected and cant handle the distance, I suggest you leave him alone and when he is ready he will reach out to you. If you continue to hond him with calls and messages and complain, you will lose him.
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