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male
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anonymous
writes: Our friends recently got married outside of the country and their parents are having a wedding celebration party for all the folks stateside who couldn't go to the wedding. The wedding "party" is also fairly far away, 11 hours by car, and since there are four of us {me, my wife, and my two kids from a prior marriage) I can't afford round trip plane tickets, rent a car, etc, so I decided we drive it and trade off driving duties to make it easier. Then my wife says if we're not flying I'm not going. Keep in mind these are very close friends, we missed the European vacation, and many of our other friends in our little group are going to be there. I can go and take my daughters and just cover for my stubborn wife. Its really got me ticked and she's dug in and refusing to even consider it anymore. And as previously mentioned, no way to afford plane travel. Should I just let her be hard nosed an learn her lesson when she's sorry she didn't go? or just chalk it up to it just not that important to her? I really can't understand why she wouldn't want to go especially since it won't be that bad with 3 drivers and its going to take a lot of explaining to do as to why she didnt' come. Maybe she just doesn't want to go with my kids, or she's pissed because we have to drive and I "made" the financial decision to bring the kids and drive instead of fly. Help!
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male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (10 October 2006):
 What's more important, the welfare of your family or what your friends think of you?
I don't condone your wife's behaviour - ultimatums are a form of emotional abuse. But you made a decision without consulting her - you want to go to this event and you have decided to put your family through an 11-hour drive. It sounds to me like she was blindsided by your proclamations and decided to hit you with her own proclamation.
For you to consider leaving your wife behind means that you are choosing your friends over your family, and worse yet you are involving your children as pawns in this game of brinksmanship.
You need to call your wife on her behaviour (i.e. that she is being petulant) but at the same time you have to acknowledge that you made a decision without consulting here, and furthermore that you are struggling with this family over friends dilemma. Good luck and take care.
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female
reader, Katylouise +, writes (8 October 2006):
Explain that you were just thinking of the cheapest best option and that if she wishes to fly how she thinks would be the best way to come up with the money to do so. Tell her you want to all go as a family and were just trying your best to come up with a solution. Tell her it wouldnt be the same without her there.
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