A
female
age
36-40,
*eenytinyme
writes:In late 2010 I met a man and quickly fell for him. He has a daughter and I have two daughters.We didn't want to involve our children so early on in our relationship, so we spent time together when he didn't have his daughter for the weekend and when my children were sleeping. Even with this, we still managed to spend the holidays together and celebrated the new year together. I was happier than I had been in years.But early 2011 we broke up due to a colossal mistake I made. He felt like he could no longer trust me and walked out of my life. I was never able to move on.Almost a year later, around christmas he contacted me and I jumped at the opportunity to see him again. I tried to talk to him about the past and expressed my remorse but he couldn't accept my apology and cut off contact again. I had tried to contact him a few times but never got a response.Fast forward to the following December, and this time of year now depressed me because it reminded me of what I lost. Almost as if he had been feeling what I was, I got an email from him. He told me he missed and had been miserable and never stopped thinking about me. That was when we began talking again and started to see each other again. He expressed his regret for the way he disappeared from my life the year before without an explanation and for treating me the way he had. On new years eve he admitted he loved me, even though he spent new years out of town with family.I was in heaven. I had the man I loved back in my life. We were quite happy together for months. I began feeling good about allowing my kids to interact with him a bit but noticed he didn't have much interest in spending time with them (laying down and closing his eyes when they tried to play with him) and that made me uncomfortable. I mentioned it a few times but he always seemed confused. Then I slowly began to resent that he didn't spend special occasions with me since webgot back together and that I hadn't met his family yet. When we first met we spent every special occasion together, but since we got back together, he was always some where else and didn't invite me. He didn't attend my grad from an education program, a dinner for an award I won, another grad ceremony for another college, valentines day, didn't invite me to every family gathering that he went to, didn't attend dinners I invited him to with my family, birthday parties I invited him to, events and didn't invite me to parties his friends invited him to, weddings, etc. But he always had an excuse and this broke my heart. On his birthday, his family had a dinner for him and he didn't even tell me about it until he was already at it. I was hurt and I told him but he didn't seem to get it. His understanding was I was jealous of his family. This was beginning to put a pretty bad strain on our relationship and we began breaking up when communicating my feelings didn't work but always ended up getting back together when he would realize the error of his ways.Then December came again and my birthday is days before Christmas. I made no formal request that I expected to spend it with him but I had assumed I would at least see him. On my the morning of my birthday, I checked in with him early and he was out with a guy friend so I decided to get some last minute shopping done. Close to the end of the day I was running out of time and texted him for help. He was still with his friend and was now getting gas money for being the taxi so couldn't help me. I was clearly upset at this as I hadn't gotten to see him all day as he had already been with this friend all day. By the time I got home it was late, and when I texted him he was at a restaurant with the friend eating and drinking beers and wanted to come over later. By then I was so upset and hurt I told him I didn't want his left over time and couldn't believe he didn't set any time aside to spend with me and after hanging up, I spent the night alone crying. I finally decided there weren't any excuses for this type of stuff to be happening over and over. I think it should also be noted I had brought up wanting to meet his daughter and his family and even after having been reunited for a year this still hadn't happened. Needless to say I spent Christmas and new years alone again. I had become very vocal about how unacceptable this was but still got confusion and resistance. He never understood why I was hurt. One of his favorite lines is "nothing I do is good enough". Then valentines day rolled around and I got nothing from him and didn't see him. In his defense I didn't try to see him either. But at this point I was done with feeling unappreciated. I broke up with him before the end of the day. Within weeks we were back together though with him seeing the error of his ways AGAIN. But even after getting back with him I still hadn't met that daughter yet. The resentment, insecurities and emotions were raging at this point. I was always on edge and began to complain and bitch all the time. I had enough of this. After another emotional breakup and makeup, I finally met her in the summer of 2014 but it never happened again even though the night went really well. She was adorae and lovely and although she was apprehensive at first, by the end of the evening we got along really well.After more complaining and nagging from me, one night he invited me over to hangout with his brother and cousins for some drinks and it turned into a disaster. Everyone was having a good time, he had too much to drink and said something rude, when I snapped back, he brought up one of our fights and mocked and embarrassed me in front of everyone. I apologized to everyone as let myself out, embarrassed. When I left, he began to break things and chased me down the street to beg me not to go. I stayed and everyone went home.Since then he has come to every event I invited him to this year and we even cooked thanksgiving dinner at his place together. We have similar interests, and goals for the future and he has mentioned moving in together and even marriage. The main thing that never improved is our communication though. It seems to have gotten worse. He doesn't understand me when I'm pouring my heart out to him, when I'm upset and I'm expressing to him why and what I expect. He always has an excuse or reason for his actions. Either that or he just doesn't admit to what he has done or doesn't agree that I should be hurt. Never seems to have genuine remorse or interest in making things right. He claims to love me and claims nothing he does is good enough for me but I feel alone and I just really want him to be there for me the way I am for him. It seems I am expecting more than I will ever have with this man so we recently broke up again. It's been a rough few weeks. He is angry and confused. He thinks he has done nothing wrong, doesn't understand he has hurt me and hasn't done anything to fix it, thinks the only problem is my anger issues and I make him feel like he isn't good enough. I want to be with him but I feel so defeated.Is there any hope?
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broke up, christmas, cousin, depressed, got back together, jealous, money, move on, text, wedding Reply to this Question
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female
reader, teenytinyme +, writes (17 November 2014):
teenytinyme is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you Eric.troy. After this long, I have hit the point where I seriously doubt my own judgement. You validated everything I have already said to him but had doubts about when he didn't understand. I must admit reading your response embarrassed me and almost brought me to tears. As per conversations with him up to this point I had moments where I thought we could work it out and we had a future but then he would revert right back to his original point of views where everything stays the same. I don't see myself being able to settle for the relationship to continue the way they were seeing how much of a strain it was on me emotionally and mentally. Thank you for your honest response.
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