A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,I am 20 years old, and have been going out with my boyfriend for 5 months now since we met through a workmate of mine. He’s 27 Everything was going great until he dropped a bombshell after we had been going out for almost 2 months, - that he had been married and was separated for almost 10 months. I was in total shock as I had no suspicions about his situation. I discovered a massive amount of photos on his laptop of him and a woman and confronted him about it. What made it even worse is that I worked with his wife for a brief time 4 years ago. Since then he has kept assuring me that it is over between them and that they only speak on the phone occasionally and that they don’t meet up or see each other. But I just can’t believe him as she works 10 minutes walk from where he lives and it is only just over a year now since they split up. He told me that they only speak once or twice a month on the phone yet when I went through his phone I saw that they phone calls were happening once and twice a week sometimes. He hardly ever rings me and his excuse for this is that we see each other often and text. I don’t think I am being unreasonable in saying that it wouldn’t be too much to expect a short phone call from him to say hello every now and then. The main reasons I have stayed in the relationship until now, apart from liking him is that he is the only man who has ever treated me properly and I felt happy that he asked me out, as I had been single for 6 months when we met, after a particularly bad relationship. My ex boyfriend had drink and gambling problems, and used to hit me and abuse me verbally, so I was cautious but happy to meet someone quiet and gentle and so different from my him when I met my current boyfriend. My question now is whether there is any point in us staying together or should I just cut my losses and dump him? I don’t know what is the best thing to do. Your help would be appreciated.
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gambling, his ex, my ex, split up, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, nokutenda  +, writes (5 December 2008):
cut your looses and dump him
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for your response, I think Ihave a problem with both possibilities. I basically found out for myself about it, as I went through the photos on his laptop without him knowing. He is always ''assuring'' me that they are not getting back together but there is nothing assuring about it as far as I am concerned.
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A
female
reader, nokutenda +, writes (3 December 2008):
did he tell you about being married after you found the pictures or he just said it.if he told you without you asking you may give him a chance
but the fact that he is lying about not talking to his ex gets me wondering-it maybe he is still in love with her or is confused.break up with him-give him time if he loves you he will cut all ties with ex and if he doesn't know you were never meant to be-you will meet a guy who will cherish you
don't expect nothing other than the best from any man
someone out there will love you whole heartedly
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2008): I think you should try to figure out whether your biggest problem with all this is the fact that you got lied to about his past, or if it's your suspicions about what's still going on that are the driving factor in making you want to break it off.
That's a start.
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