A
male
age
41-50,
*wistedknight
writes:About 2 years I meet an amazing woman she is both beautiful on the inside and outside. We had a great sex life, it seemed we couldnt keep our hands off each other, we where open to trying nex things, and couldnt get enough of trying to make the other person happy. After about a year together we moved in and something changed sex started to hurt for her we talked about it and we figured that her inner uternine device had moved we got it fixed but during this time her reactions to things done in the bedroom were extermly negative. These negative reactions were very hard on my considering I was only trying to make her happy and find ways for her to enjoy things more. We ended up talking these issues out and things got sort of back to normal. Expect she wasnt in to sex as much she was always tired and when she did have sex she wanted it as fast as possbile no foreplay no lead up lets just get it done and over with. This went on for another while and I talked to her about how I was feeling unwanted, that there was something missing in or sex life and things had changed. I tired to tell her the best I could what I needed and was hoping to get back into our sex life. She said she would try. Since then we have had this converstation in a number of different ways, and she keep telling me that she figures things were getting better where as I see things as getting worse. She touches me less and less, she is less and less often, I feel like I have to beg her for sex, I try to make things out side the bed room as stress free as possbile so things go easier in there and just feel stupider and stupider. I am at me witts end I am trying everything I know how to make things better and its going no where. I feel lied to most days cause it seems everything that she used to like and tell me she lied she doesnt now, she tells me I have to push things and make her try new things yet reacts extermely negative to them when I do. I have lost almost all my confidence in sex, I am scared to talk to her about it any more out of fear it will make it worse, I feel stupid for tring so hard out side of the bedroom because I feel my needs have been forgoten. She tells me she loves me and I know she does, but I am at the point where I am ready to call it quits because I dont feel like I am me and more and I dont like it. So I was hoping before I do call it does anyone have any advice they can lead me so I might be able to try and fix things with the woman I love? or should I just call it quits because I am seeing signs that the things happening in the bedroom are starting to happen outside the bedroom?
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female
reader, ellie1963  +, writes (15 February 2011):
 Me too Im affraid, im having this prob but with my husband. He doesnt like touching me although he says he does we are now in seperate bedrooms as I felt so lonely and isolated i used to get upset sleeping next to him when he had his back to me. We did see a counsellor and things have improved a tad. We havent argued for 4 days, unless i just dont care enough to argue any more!! I cant see myself moving back into our shared room any time soon. I have started to come and go from the house when i like now with girlfriends for evenings out and have had to concentrate on me. Focusing on us was like flogging a dead horse and left me exhausted.
I have considered leaving as i have put up with this for nearly three years now, although the seperate bedroom thing has only been two months.
I still do consider leaving so I know some of what you are feeling.
Try a counsellor if shell agree to go if she wont go at least you know where you stand, there is no point if she doesnt want to fix it is there!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2011): I am so sorry for you and sympathise because I went through almost exactly the same thing (although without a IUD being involved). I'm afraid my advice is to leave. I stayed with my partner for 5 years without any intimate contact whatsoever - including just kissing - and ended up having a breakdown and depression as a result of feeling totally unloved. In the end, I had to leave for my own sake, even though I loved her, I just couldn't spend another 30 or 40 years feeing unloved.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2011): Pre-emptive strike: Let her know things need to change or you're gone. If you've spoken to her on numerous occasions about issues in your relationship (which it looks like you have) and she's unresponsive, it's obvious she could care less about you.
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