A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm still confused, and I'm starting to think that this guy I used to date now only sees me as friend. There has been a change in the physical/ sexual part of our relationship, but nothing else has changed. He's not seeing anyone else, and he said he hopes to get back together in the future ( but that was a while ago). My real question is should I just ask him where we stand, or would that push him away entirely? I hate not knowing, and I know I won't move on until I know its never going to happen between us again. If I were to ask him, whats the best way to ask, and simultaneously prepare myself for rejection?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2015): If a guy appears to have lost interest in me, like in your case, I don't ask him what's up with us. In fact, I usually do the opposite. I become distant and aloof myself and stay really busy. And always make sure to look happy, upbeat, carefree and beautiful. If a guy likes you, he'll make his way back to you without you having to ask. If he hasn't done that yet, it just means he is still having doubts and unsure about you. Putting him on the spot is not going to help your cause. You should be able to read between the lines. If he is aloof and unaffectionate, which he is, that's your answer. He is not interested at this moment. If you really want to shake things up and see how he feels about you, the best way to do that is to act like you've lost interest, move on and start dating other guys. The thought of losing you altogether is what is going to make him step his game up. His reaction upon you doing this will show you how he feels about you. If his blood boils with jealousy, you will know, as he will make it be known. And that might be just what he needs in order to realize his feelings for you. But if he still acts aloof, then you will know he just doesn't care. But as long as he knows you are always there, twiddling your thumbs, waiting on him to make up his mind about you, he is going to continue to take you for granted.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (18 March 2015):
 "Ok, you said you hope to get back together in the future a while ago."
*I'm taking back my power now and not getting all apologetic.*
"I am putting myself back on the market, back in the dating pool.
"From today, we are back at square one. If you want to date me, you'll have to ask me out. I am back on the market and I will date other men."
You've basically handed your dating choices over to a guy who isn't all that into you. How to prepare for rejection? Get your best friends and family to support you! They probably will be extremely happy that he's in the rear-view mirror!
If I were you, I'd tell him, today, no holds barred. "It's obvious that things have changed between us. Your comment that you hope to get back together in the future is not actually enough to be a place-holder for you.
"As of today, we are broken up and I am officially single. I am not going to take this as a rejection but instead I am going to throw a little party and I am declaring myself as single.
"Buh-bye.
Move on and don't look in that rear view mirror! If he wanted to be with you, you would know.
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A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (18 March 2015):
 Asking him where you stand won't push him away. Your questions may simply confirm what you already suspect so be ready for a rejection. He may also give you a noncommittal answer, something yeah I like you, against which you should seek that he changes his ways, that you want to work on spicing up your relationship. If he is up for investment of his time into the relationship then you have a BF with whom you can work things out. Typically guys who want to string up a girl for sex don't want to invest too much time into a relationship (think what FWB is like).
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A
female
reader, CattyCat  +, writes (18 March 2015):
 Are you two fuck buddies at the moment? Because you mentioned that a physical/sexual aspect has changed.
If that's the case, if you want more or just want to know what's happening, I think you should ask him. If he tells you that you're both just friends, I suggest you stop the sexual part of the relationship and get over him. Because he'll only lead you on and it'll end up toxic.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 March 2015):
 Be honest with yourself AND him.
Ask him, you know we have been doing this "I'm not sure what it is" thing for a while because you said you weren't looking for a relationship, but I am, so I want to know where we stand. Are we dating or f-buddies or what?
And IF you WANT a relationship and this guy says, no I still don't want a relationship, I don't want a GF, then END whatever it is you have. No more sex, no more hanging out, no more texting and calling. CUT the contact, so YOU can move on.
The BIGGEST mistake I see a LOT of (specially) young women make is CONTINUE to see a guy who has ALREADY stated that he is NOT looking for a relationship. Having SEX with him, playing pretend GF will NOT change his mind. A guy who DOESN'T want a relationship IS NOT going to say no to sex on tap. At least not until the girl start making demands. Then he will go find another girl.
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