A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've just started dating a guy who is very attractive and a huge flirt. He gives girls a lot of attention, and they give it back to him. Girls on Facebook are always asking him to hang out or call him, and every time we go out I catch him making eyes with or winking at some girl. I know he also holds hands with girls and playfully slaps/spanks them when I'm not around-- and who knows what else. He's a lot of fun to be with, but hard to have conversations with. I'm insecure and jealous in general, and I really want to try to get over that. I'm wondering if other women who have been in similar situations, dating super-flirty, attractive guys that girls love-- how do you deal with it? Are you just a confident, alpha female, or to you just trust the guy completely, or just accept that "boys will be boys"? Talking with him about it is pretty much out of the question, since I certainly don't expect him to change for me, and I think I'm the one who probably needs to change my outlook or just leave. Thanks!
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone who responded-- you've each given me something to think about and consider.
Honeypie, your words "He never cheated he never strayed" keep playing in my head-- I think that's the important part. And I do think my insecurities are holding me back-- and that if I can deal with this with him, I'll be a better person for it afterwards. You're right about finding my limits-- and it helps to hear from someone who knows what it's like, so thank you!
Popcycle, I don't think he's "the one" -- just someone who challenges me and who I can learn from and enjoy, so that when I meet the one, I will be a better, stronger person. Thanks for the book suggestion. It looks quite helpful.
Thatgothgirl-- I don't know if he is testing me, but I suppose in a way everyone tests each other. One of the questions I'm dealing with now is whether or not I care enough to pass the test, or if I should just leave. Usually I do just leave when guys do things like this, and I think this is a test worth passing, even if it's just to prove to myself that I can do it.
Mushgirl, yes, I agree completely that he has to be able to take it as well as dish it out! And I think in my guy's case, like your guy, he totally can. I'm not much of a flirt, however, so that's part of my challenge too-- when I'm out with him, and even when I'm out by myself now, I feel like I'm competing with him in this weird way, haha. So hopefully I will get used to it gradually too. And maybe I should talk with him about it, so he knows when to stop, and we're clear on boundaries. Thanks so much for your insight!
A
female
reader, Mushgirl  +, writes (18 May 2009):
 My boyfriend has a very flirty personality too. But he's been like that for as long as I've known him and he knows when to stop. When we go out together we chat up other people, dance with them and tell each other who else we fancy. It can be a bit hard sometimes, but the truth is we're both flirty and I'd prefer us both to be ourselves than restricted. And anyway, I'm always the one he comes home with every night and I know he's crazy about me so I'm getting used to it gradually! Just so long as your fella don't complain when the shoe is on the other foot!
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A
female
reader, thatgothgirl20 +, writes (18 May 2009):
 I think you should just leave. Maybe he is just doing this to test you. Maybe he wants you to say something so that he knows that you care.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 May 2009):
 I have had a BF a lot like yours. He never cheated he never strayed. I was honest about how I felt with all the flirting but I think it was a reflex for him. He did try and cut it out a lot, but what it really came down to was trust.
I don't think you should expect him to change dramatically, after all this is part of him being him. However if you don't mention it he might not know how it makes you feel. Nor do I really think YOU should change for him. If you feel your own insecurities HOLD you back, then yes work on that, but do it for YOU.
Know what your limits are. Talk about it. If the two of you can't find a common ground then maybe it is not for you two to be in a relationship.
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