A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, all! I need some advice. Our eldest son is turning 4, and his party is this weekend. My husband doesnt get along with his older sister, at all. Every time they are at an event together, they end up in a terrible argument. I will admit she isnt the easiest person to get along with... she has a very prominent attitude about her. I really dont even know her, In the five years we have been together we have only spoken a few words. Her answers are typically very short. It didnt take me long to get the hint she wasnt happy that we got together so quickly, so that plus she and her brother (my husband) have never gotten along... I just stopped inviting her to family events (because she didnt even respond, anyways) But my mother in law texted me this afternoon asking if I had invited her. She gave me her number (its the same number I had) but its always out of service when Ive called, although I did not call this time yet because I want to make sure I give hubby a heads up. Im pretty nervous/stressed that they will end up in some type of argument and make a huge scene... and Im totally nervous about calling her-honestly, she is a bit intimidating- I know that sound silly... anyways do you think Im making the right call in asking my husband first? Should I just invite her? I vant stress enough how worried I am that they will fight and the party is being hosted at friends house, because we live farther out than most of our friends/family, so thats another reason Im nervous about an argument.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2014): Three things:1)You are absolutely doing the right thing by talking to your husband about it before inviting his sister. There is no way you should invite her without discussing it with him and getting his approval.2)Really, he should be the one to invite her. If they can get through a phone conversation where he extends the invitation in a civil manner, that may give them a better chance to get through the party without arguing or making a scene. That kind of olive branch can go a long way towards mending a relationship. And if they can't have a civil phone conversation, then the invitation won't be extended and she won't be there anyway.3)I really don't see a huge obligation to invite her in the first place. Does she have a close relationship with your son? Would your son care if she wasn't there? Would he even notice? I'm assuming the answer to all three is no, so don't worry about it so much. Your mother in law is trying to bring her son and daughter closer together, which is understandable, but your husband and his sister have to decide they want to work on their issues and have a normal sibling relationship again before it will ever happen. That's why I said he should be the one to invite her, if she is to be invited. You don't need to get in the middle of their problems, let them deal with it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2014): I wouldn't invite her
It's your son's birthday so you should be doing what makes him happy.
He would be unhappy if the adults at his party were arguing.
He WOULDN'T be unhappy if an adult he doesn't really know very well doesn't come to his party. (I'm assuming that since neither you nor your husband has much to do with his aunt, neither does he.)
Okay, maybe there is a time to try buring family differences but I don't think a toddler's birthday party is the time or the place.
I hope he has a great day now he's a big boy of four! (And Sageguy is kinda right in saying that people who can't behave like big boys of four shouldn't go to birthday parties!)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2014): By no means would you invite his sister without his knowledge.
There is no rational reason you should ever do that. You know what the outcome would be.
This is a party for a 4 year-old. Not wto adults who behave like children around each other. Why ruin the child's party?
She isn't liked or likeable. So why extend an invitation?
It's your house, your party, and your child.
You can invite or not invite anyone you like. She wouldn't like if you did; and wouldn't like if you didn't. So what's the difference?
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (23 January 2014):
 Yes.... you should tell hubby that you are going to call (her) and invite his Sister..... AND,... you should tell him (and her, as well) that you expect both of them to act a bit more maturely than the birthday boy (age, 4)!!!!
Good luck.... Please post a picture of the cake, when you follow up...
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