A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Its kind of a winding story but I just feel I need objective opinions from people I dont know. I am a foreign graduate student at a very prestigious university in country A. I was fortunate enough to receive a scholarship to come and study here. My supervisor, a very kind, generous and charming man seems to have been flirting with me. He has this thing where he does this prolonged eye contact with me. I did all i could to avoid this eye contact and I looked away or pretended not to notice, but for some reason he would look at me with these adoring eyes. He is usually a very friendly guy and most students go to him for advice because he has an open door policy unlike most professors who are stuck up. Anyway, things were getting really awkward between us, we were both getting nervous around each other to the extent that when i walked into his office (for genuine reasons regarding my schoolwork) he wouldn't even look at me or he would ask me to come back later so started avoiding him. After the summer holiday, we resumed classes as usual and again he began with his eye contact, and acting nervous when he sees me (like his voice would become shakey when he looked at me). I somehow realized that he really liked me but for the sake of my education and the fact that he has a partner (he is not married and they don't have kids) that he mentioned to me. I decided to kill the vibe and just acted nonchalant around him. after this he too has reverted to his normal self and its business as normal, he isn't acting awkward around me now. But for some reason I cant help but wonder if i made a right move. A part of me regrets never having let him know that I like him in some way, because honestly, I do. He is the type of guy I would like to date sometime after I graduate. I am 33 and he is in his early 40s. I want to kick myself for letting this chance slide and I wonder if I should somehow initiate some subtle moves to let him know that I like him to. I am single, have been for a while. Am I being foolish for thinking like this, i just cant stop thinking about him. he doesn't come across as a player or anything. What should I do?
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (12 October 2014):
 Youuu are not foolish. It may be shortsighted though. I would bet there are dozens of better choices around though. His "lingering ey contact" to me is a red flag of teacher flirting with student which never ends up in a good story.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2014): He is with someone else! So what if you like him, you made the right move. It would have been WRONG not to kill the vibe.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (12 October 2014):
 I think the code not allowing professors to date students make it even more attempting to flirt or play with the taboo. I don't think you should make subtle moves because he had already told you he has a partner, and you a foreign student. Your heart does not care about rules. It doesn't care what the school thinks and what his partner thinks. You can't stop thinking about him because it's normal to want relationships and he is the only guy right now who gives you the right feel. You can like looking at a person and the way they make you feel on the outside but to have a relationship is a different thing. Ideally you should only be having those looks with people you love. You could be reading too much in his interactions with you. At the end the "like" you are talking about is a good impression but to have genuine liking there needs to be a progression or a series of dates to go deep. For a relationship to work you need both the rational and the passionate sides. You are thinking of the potential of relationships already while he might just be enjoying a visual delight of you and nothing more. I had been a professional student longer than I would like and I find that real relationships only happen when I am in the real world and can call somewhere home and settle down. Most people won't bother with international students unless morally they are okay with flings or to play with feelings.
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