A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I need some advice. My boyfriend and I have had our first misunderstanding and I don’t know what to do about it. He had sent me a message last night saying that he had arranged an event with some important people he knows which I understood was being arranged for next week, and he wanted me to be there. Little did I realise until late in the day that he had meant tonight. He insists that he said it was tonight but the message he sent me last night was talking about next week and made no mention of tonight and I told him this. My mum can back me up on this. I live some distance away from him in a very rural area, there is no public transport after 6pm and I cannot drive. I had no money on me to pay for public transport from work because I did not know I was going out tonight and no lift to take me there. He was calling me and sending me messages saying he wanted me there even as he was travelling to the event despite the fact I kept saying to him that i couldn’t make it as I would never have got there in time.We both believe we are right, but when i called him back I apologised to him a couple of times about the misunderstanding as I could tell he was really cross at me. I also believe that rather than arguing about details couples should try to agree a solution. He said he was o.k about it but I could tell by the tone of his voice that he wasn’t at all. I can see from his point of view that he would be so cross; after all these were important people to him and he has been embarrassed in front of them. I am now thinking perhaps I should have made more of an effort. It would have cost me about £120-200 in travelling expenses (yes really!), which I can ill afford, to get there for an hour at the end but now I am thinking if I loved him that much I wouldn’t be thinking about the money. Was I right in sticking to my guns? I tend to think I was, because that way he would respect me more knowing that he can’t force me into things. However, I believe he thinks that any obstacle can be overcome, which is an admirable quality to have, but I was starting to feel cornered. I have said how sorry I am - I don’t know what else I can do. I am trying to think along the lines that if he doesn’t want anything more to do with me then at least I know he wasn’t the man for me.
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female
reader, leanne.od +, writes (21 September 2007):
 he's said it's ok, right? so i suggest you try to move past it, even though he probably wasn't fine about it all, he doesn't want it to become a huge problem, so credit where it's due, he's trying to make no big deal out of it. he more than likely told everyone he was bringing his girlfriend, so when you didn't show he came across as thogh he was making it up, and these people probably had a laugh at your boyfriends expense. which would inevitably damaged his male pride, he was still licking his wounds when you apologised so was bound to sound peeved off.as for the money, that is an awful lot for one hour, maybe you could talk to your boyfriend about the expenses and explain that it's an awful lot of money to travel up to see him, maybe he could help you out by splitting the fair in half, after all, it is him who wants to see you just as much as you do him, right?i'm sure he's not going to end it and ignore you because of this one misunderstanding, if it's your first, look forward to many more!! you'll be just fine, it's water under the bridge now, let sleeping dogs lie.good luck
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2007): If it was that important to him why didn't he pick you up himself and drive you there and back, or organise a taxi for you (and pay for it!)?Absolutely unreasonable to expect you to pay £200 in taxi fares or whatever.
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