A
female
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anonymous
writes:Hi all,I'd like 2 take ur opinions pls...am 23, 2 years ago I had a bf 4 about a year then we broke up cos he wasnt ready 2 move 2 the next level, as he says he's phobic to commitment, it's been a year since we broke up, then we started talkin again online, until a week ago when it was my birthday, we talked on the phone for hours and not only did he come 2 my bday party but also got me a fancy watch..we talked things through, what went wrong and all that... and I admitted I was too pushy cos I didnt want to lose him, I thought serious commitment like getting engaged would ensure that he'd be mine, but it scared him off...so we decided to take things nice and slow, and give us a 2nd chance.I know it's too soon to judge, but I feel we'r distant! I mean everyday all the time he's hanging out with his friends, and when I ask where r u or with whom, he gives vague answers "am with some friends" where as if I were out he would ask with who, their names, where we'r going, and all the details!I feel that if he doesnt call and I dont call either, things could end this way..like we'r now 2gether, yet am feeling distant! like he's else where!If we'r at some cafe sittin talkin, I feel like we'r not 2gether, he doesnt even sit close nor flirt or anythin, he says nice stuff like I look nice and all, but I don't know! am confused by this feeling!The only way I feel his love is if we make love, he turns into this other person, and he expreses his love, he says he loves me and he's really gr8!But else wise, face to face or through the phone he'd hardly say anything, unless he gets horny, he says it all!But do I have 2 make him horny to express his love?! or is he just into the sex!!!!Am considering talkin to him about it, but I don't want to freak him out or make him think am pushing him for commitment or want him not to make love to me...we don't have sex, we just fool around...But I just want to make him feel me more and be more attatched!I want the time we spend 2gether even if through the phone would be intimate time, not just a routine to call just to check on one another!Am sry if it's long...but am confused... and I even wonder if I shouldnt have givin us a 2nd chance, or if we'r not in the same level of love, or if I should give him more effort if I truely want him, like I waited a year after break up and now I won him back, but did I really win him back? or am I fooling myself!!! :(ur advice is much appreciated,,,,
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question1st of all thnx 4 ur answer...however, he's not lonely, he could have sex with any other girl & I believe he's fooled around that time we were apart until very recently...
maybe he loves sex more?!
I mean he's told me that while we were apart he's told his frnds that when he gets married he wont find any better person to marry than me...doesn't this mean something? thing is I know he's not ready to move to the next level & he needs time like u said he "have sampled enough of life to settle down"
So am wondering is he only fooling me by these words or is he for real? I mean if he wasnt then y does he still have feelings for me after a year, y hasnt he moved on or been with some other girl?? his feelings r the same!
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female
reader, leanne.od  +, writes (21 September 2007):
 you were apart for wuite a while, right? so now he's lonely and wanting sex and there you are, at the right time in the right place. every man is afraid of commitment until they have sampled enough of life to settle down. he doesn't love you, he loves the sex.
yoo have to get rid of him for your sake, he's not very thoughtful and kind until he wants something, that's probably why he brought you a nice birthday gift, to get into your good books and it worked.
he doesn't feel he has to answer to you, he's got you wondering where he is and who is with and that to me isn't the start of lasting relationship.
good luck
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