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writes: Im 21, and have just found out i am 2 weeks pregnant, the father of the baby says he will stand by me although i doubt him very much and feel i will be left alone with this baby, a single parent. I am currently at univesity and will finish before the baby is born but still live with my parents. My father has strongly advised me to have an abortion although i havent decided what to do. Do you think i should have an abortion? please help!
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2006): I wanted to make one more comment in response to your post...you make a statement that you doubt the father's intentions of sticking by you, and you worry about not going to university and that you will be a single parent...all these are very strong reasons to end your pregnancy if you want to do so and get on with your life, it is your life after all and your body and your decision to make on your very own.
Your father is stating his opinion about what he thinks you should do and you may feel pressured to go along with it to make him happy, this is not a bad thing or wrong thing to do either....Your father will most likely be the one raising this child instead of you so you can go on and grow into adulthood and be independent on your own....and his feelings about the matter are valid and important and I am sure he has your best interests in mind too....talk with your parents about it if you are able to and allow them to voice their concerns, it is only fair. You could have the baby and give it up for adoption, but that is also very hard to do even for your parents as it is or will be their grandchild.
As the previous aunt said, this is truly a turning point in your life, no decision you make will be wrong, but it has to be the smart one and the right one for you. Take care of yourself.
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female
reader, Sexybum  +, writes (19 November 2006):
 I have had an abortion and I do still think about it a lot. I slightly dis-agree with the first comment that was made on this thread... Kerpesa said that she wouldn't have an abortion because she would always be thinking about the what if's.... I think that no matter what you decide to do now you will always think about the what if's for the rest of your life.... If you decide that now is not the right time for you to have a child and you have an abortion then it is true that every now and then you will think oh what if... what would my baby be like.... What would my life be like if I had my baby.... If you do have the baby then you will still think oh what if? Where would I be now if I didn't have the child.... Whenever you think of the father you'd think what if I didn't have the child how would my life be now? So you see you just gotta accept now that no matter how much you want it things will never be the same again. This is a turning point in your life.
You will always look at the world with a diferent view from now on.... I had to have councilling afer my abortion... But now I don't regret it. I do regret being naive enough to get pregnant when I didn't want a child and I take sole responsibility for that. I am not naive any more. The experience has changed my life and if I could go back the only thing I would change would be not to have got pregannt in the first place.... Even to this day I think I done the right thing. I'm still with the guy who I got pregant by. We've been together about 2.5 years and we still talk about the aborion and imagine what our child would be like But we know we doen the right thing If we are still togther in a few years then maybe we will have children then... I've just got a baby kitten who is enough of a handfull for me now.
Basically to make your decision you need to look to your future you SHOULD NOT have an abortion to make any one happy YOU NEED TO DO WHAT IS RIGHT FOR YOU. I had an abortion because it was right for me and it took me a very long time to stop feeling guilty and come to terms with it. It broke my heart. One moment you're pregant and the next you're not. It is quite difficult to try and anticipate or comprehend how you will feel. It's a very hard thing to go through. I'm afraid that if you do it to make your Dad happy you will never forgive yourself. You need to think about what you want and whatever you decide hold you head high and get on with it.
Very good luck to you and please if you want to talk more please do. This decision is not to be made lightly.
My thoughts are with you
Sexybum xoxoxox
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female
reader, sinner3mlt +, writes (19 November 2006):
i have had an abortion one time and you will feel a little guilty about it. i dont have flashbacks or anything. i had one when i was 20, now i am 26 and have 2 kids and i am glad i did what i did because it would have been a mistake for me. but listen a baby is a precious gift and you really need to think hard about this. dont do it because your dad said you had to. how are you feeling about it? you are all that really matters. if you have the baby things will work themselves out and your dad will come around. dont forget about adoption. i think you already know what your heart thinks deep down, go with that feeling. but whatever you decide please decide fast because the longer you wait the harder it will be. i think you should have a go at motherhood it really is not all that bad. isn't it good to live in a country where you a choice. i am pro-choice, and i wish you the best of luck..
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2006): I think the decision to have a baby or to have an abortion is a highly personal one.
If it were my choice at the tender age of 21, and with a father that waa not my husband or was a person who I had not made the conscious decision to spend the rest of my life with, and with my whole life ahead of me and my education at stake that could determine whether or not I was able to be financially independent, I would choose abortion. I know that some people believe it is morally wrong, but I take a more scientific view.
At two weeks of pregnancy, you have no more than a mass of cells that are indistinquishable from from cells in your toenail for instance. The longer you put this off the more it becomes a moral dilema.
It is my belief that women do not have to be a slave to their biology, men do not have to be, so why should we...as long as you act quickly and make your decision now, and vow to never become pregnant again unless it is planned you will be able to live the rest of your life with a clear conscious.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2006): i tihnk abortion would be best. Why bring a child into this world that you may not be able to support financially. If you have doubts about the father supporting you AND your own fathr supporting you, and you KNOW you can't do it alone...then abortion would be the best option. In the long run, you don't want to bring a child into this world that you regret bringing because you can't do all the things you could have done, if you didn't have a baby. It's not easy, but in the future when you have a husband, or possibly a boyfriend that you know will support you...you could have children then. good luck!
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