A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear Agony Aunts Hello everyone my situation is rather difficult but yet could be reduced down quite simply so I am going to try and keep this as short as possiable. I am currently in a relationship with a married man. I know what I am doing is not the best moral decision I have ever made but the truth is I love him very much and he is my best friend also. We have known each other for about 5 years now and that was before he even got married. He has only been married a little over a year and I know he is never going to leave his wife but I have come to terms with that and have finally decided that I can handle that. He says he loves me and his wife equally and his wife would never give him a divorce anyway even if he didnt love her which isnt the case. She told him she would kill him before she would allow him to divorce her and I am inclined to believe her. I know his wife and we used to be friends as well till she found out how much i loved her husband and how much he really loved me. But the question that I really want to bring to your attention is that now this married man and my best friend has decided he wants me to have his baby and wants to get me pregnant and we have already been trying. My question to all of you is what do you think about this. i love my friend to death but my dad brought a very good point to my attention. My dad believes that he is trying to get me pregnant because his wife cant have a baby and then he is going to try to take it away from me and raise it with his wife as there own. Thats why i wanted to give you some of the back story. Well the only reason i have even considerd this is because i really want a baby and have for a long time. So please tell me what you think. Thanks so much..Sorry this is so long.
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best friend, divorce, married man, want a baby Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2008): The short answer to your question is, "No."
Look at these questions (only a few among many), and see if you'd like these to be your future:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/pregnant-to-a-married-man.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-have-his-baby-and-he-wont-leave.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/he-wants-to-have-a-baby-with-another.html
Would you like to spend most of the nights of pregnancy alone in your bed, perhaps be alone when your baby is born, and be the only one there at your child's kindergarten play?
Because your "best friend's" first allegiance will be to his wife, and the demands of his other family will pull him away from you at important points in your and your child's life. You are actually planning a second-rate, low status life for your child. Doesn't a kid deserve a father of his own, not half a dad? If you still have a choice in the matter, why choose this kind of life for your child?
As a mother, my policy has always been, "no matter what mistakes I've made in my own life, I have no right to mess up my children's lives before they can make choices of their own." You're willing to settle for less than other women, fine. But is it okay with you that your children will have less than other children?
If you really hope to land your man, you can't give in to him so easily. Stay away from him until he is fully divorced from his wife. Otherwise, he'll continue to be comfortable, shopping his needs from two women and eventually two families, taking from both you and his wife and not caring enough to stop the pain he's causing both of you.
A
female
reader, aphexinfinite  +, writes (3 August 2008):
 in the end you should not be trying to get pregnant you should not be sleeping with a married man..when your child is born what are you going to say to them that infidelity is the way to go, that they should have no respect for partners, because parents set the examples..if you want the honest truth. walk away go to a sperm bank if you want a child but this is not the way forward, someone out their loves you for you and not for what he cant get out of you. respect yourself more stop this nonsence and get a real man and not an ass..to put it bluntly he wants his cake and to eat it! you still have a good future ahead of you dont waste it on this crap..yeah and they could very well be hoping that you will have his child because they cant when people are desperate theirs no telling how far they will go..my advice walk the other way keep your head high have some respect for youself and dont look back.. good luck kep us posted aphex xx
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A
female
reader, asian tealeaf  +, writes (3 August 2008):
 i think the courts would have a hard time with custody placement once they knew the entirety of the story... no man can morally just impregnate any girl with the knowledge they are going to run off after and take their progeny with them. it does not work that way... not legally. unless ur a heavy drug user or sex offender etc. that being said, i would leave this man to his own made predicament. he chose to marry this girl so if hes unhappy? his problem. and if he had said he wont leave his wife, why would u even consider having a baby with him? what r u? his concubine? get ur head back on ur shoulders, grab ur pride and self respect back. and stop having sex period with him. before u get hurt. tell him u do care for him, in so many ways but u will not allow urself to be put into this situation. he will probablt argue with u, try to make promises that sound endearing and full of false hopes. so tell him this. ur leaving him. and the only time u will ever be with him is if he comes back with a marriage annulment in his hands. tell him ur not asking him to get one. but u wont be the middle person here, and u wont bring a child into the world born into such confusion either.ur not asking him to make a choice. ur only stating the facts. and leave the issue. tell him not to call u nor contact u in any form, unless its to confirm hes divorced and wants a life with u. while his wife hates u etc, u also respect her and feel for her. my dear, if u believe in karma, then believe what goes round comes round full circle.dont be a victim. nor become one in the future. u still have the chance to make things right. do it before it is too late. u will truly regret this if u go thru with getting pregnant and having his baby. u may think u know grief and misery. now. but, u have no idea what ur setting urself up for, down this slippery slope. i hope u will do the right thing. remember this much. thers thousands upon millions of available single men out there. dont settle for this guy. hes married. leave him be. u will find true love anyways out there elsewhere!
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