A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi , my boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for almost 9 months now and it's been a long distance relationship since the beginning ! We had entered this relationship thinking that we wanted to marry each other . He had even proposed to me initially . I do keep making visits to him everyone and then as I my family lives in the same country and him and when I got to see them I make sure meet him. We love each other's company soo much that when I visit my native country we cannot go a day without meeting each other. We love hugging each other and haven't gone past making out. Our relationship has always been great and by great I mean we love each other's company and can't get enough of each other . However in our 8th month we had a few arguments ( btw we never had argues before ever ) and since then my boyfriend says that he isn't sure if he ever wants to get married . And he says that he loves me but marriage is something he doesn't wanna get in at all . We however have been getting it on, on the phone ( I mean phone sex) . I love him a lot and I wanna marry him and him not commiting( I mean marrying me ) to me is frustrating me ! Should I hang on to this relationship or part ways so we both can recover and finally move on ? Please help i dont know what I should do!
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2016): I truly believe there is a lot of romantic fantasy about love here. Nine months mostly long-distance is not enough time to really fall in-love, let alone want to marry someone. You hardly really know this guy, and based on getting along you think you want to marry him? He falls out of love the first time you have an argument.
Sorry, my dear, love is very complex. It takes a very mature and experienced mind to handle some of the challenges you face along the way. You two spend a little time together and you like each other. So he proposes. Seems very immature and risky.
If you can hang-on to it, you should get the notions of marriage out of your head so soon. Grow-up a little first. It takes time for love to develop and to establish trust in each other. You have to know more about each other and learn to deal with your personalities and disagreements. You actually need to spend some extended time together to even know if your feelings are consistent; and not just the fondness on the level a couple of high school kids would have for each other.
Your post indicates that you are very much in-love with the idea of marriage, not with this guy. If you did marry, it wouldn't last. You're rushing your feelings.
You would both wake-up out of your dream-world and realize romance cools off. Then it's tough when life gets in the way, and still remaining ever committed to one person. That's hard to do when you have little time together.
There will be days you will not get along. You can't just call it quits and storm off. He will disagree with you.
Relationships form and solidify from people spending real-time together. You are just feeling blissful romance now, in anticipation of being together someday. Meeting families doesn't really mean much of anything.
You've been mostly separated, so do you really know why you care for him so much? Everything about him could be fake. How much time have you had together to know for sure?
Wait until you're both in one place and actually have to ride it out together. The good and the bad. Not just playing a few sex games over devices.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (22 September 2016):
 Okay so you have only been together 9 months, and it has been long distance from the start, so I guess you both haven't spent a huge lot of quality time together. I assume most of this relationship is communicating over the phone with an odd visit?
Long distance is really difficult and it is worse when it starts at the beginning of the relationship. From the sounds of your post the both of you got caught up in the romance side of it wanting marriage without even truly spending a lot of time getting to know each other.
It is great you love each others company but how often do you see each other? As for arguments it is completely normal to have arguments in a relationship. However I do worry that you planned marriage much to soon without given the relationship time to develop and I don't mean long distance. Is there anyway that one of you can move to the other, or is it in the future plans? I cannot see how this relationship can last with such distance.
If a few arguments makes your boyfriend think he does not want to get married, then that shows he is not ready for commitment or marriage. A marriage is hard, it is rewarding when both people love each other but it is difficult and stressful at times, but love gets you through that. I don't think either off you are ready to make that commitment, enjoying each others company is not enough, having phone sex is not enough. You need quality time together getting to know each other. I honestly think you both should part ways and find a man that you are able to see freely and spend time together. Good luck.
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