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female
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anonymous
writes: I'm currently in a 5 yr relationship with my bf, and we're preparing to get engaged. However,I've never forgotten my ex.My true love is my ex bf, but I know that we can never be happy if we get married because he and I can't support each other emotionally the way a husband and wife do.My current bf and I support each other so well, and we're happy, but I know he's not my true love.It's more complicated when I find that I'm not physically attracted to my bf, although he has a beautiful body.Instead, I get aroused at even a simple touch from my ex.My ex has declared that he will never let me go,though i've explained the situation to him.Should I follow my heart and go with true love, or my head and marry the one who makes me happy?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2006): I'm going to go against the tide here and say that I think you should leave your current bf and go with the true love, or ditch them both for a while and work out who you are. You only have one life, this is no dress rehearsal. To be with the wrong man because he is a safe option is a terrible travesty - I imagine that if he realised you felt this way he would rather be free to go and find someone who will love him as truly madly deeply as he deserves too.As for the ex - why can't you support each other? If he loves you so much that he can't let you go, then he loves you enough that he will learn to support you, and you him.Don't settle for second best honey. I think you would regret it xxx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2006): I can only speak from my experience. I was married for 23 years to a man who was/is my best friend but I was never truly in love with him. He is a really good man but it was never enough and over the years I suffered unhappiness of a mammoth proportion. I always remembered my true love and last year he contacted me but as much as I was flattered and we met and had a wonderful day together it was never meant to be. I then met my current bf who I fell in love with and although we have a lot to work through he has shown me happiness I didnt think was possible. All I can say is do not sell yourself short. If you thought it was a perfect relationship you would not be asking the question you would know in your heart. Although you feel happy is it true happiness you will know the difference. I found out and so will you. Good Luck
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A
female
reader, Smiler +, writes (26 May 2006):
 hello
well i understand where you are at but babe your ex is your ex for a reason isn't he? because he can't support you, where as you get support from your current b/f. everyone thinks and feels that they will never meet another true love but believe me it does happen take it from one who knows. babe after all life is what you make it you will only get out of your current relationship what you put into it. so my advice to you is forget the ex and concentrate on your current b/f
you take care
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2006): I think you're 'a bit' confused Ms. Anon. Firstly, what is your definition of love, and of course, 'true' love?
Second, wouldn't *true* love incorporate *ultimate* happiness as well?
Third, the 'a bit' part pertains to the confusion about happiness 'versus' true love. If you lust for your ex, that is ONLY a facet of love, and not love itself. If you go with your ex, you're unhappy because you two cannot support each other emotionally. First of all, the largest part of love is emotional. If you and your ex lack emotional support towards each other, then you lack the largest portion of love. Second, if you end up being with him and you're not happy, then you'll obviously be unhappy with him, though somehow you still love him.
Are you like 12? (I apologize to those who are mature at 12, I'm just using this as a control point)
Oops, there goes my sarcasm again... 8/ Oh NOES, look at my rating go down again! [laughs]
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A
male
reader, Lostandalone  +, writes (26 May 2006):
 Happiness is what you want. Just because two people love eachother don't mean they should be together. Are the problems to big to work out. I honestly feel that if two people love eachother there is nothing they can't face or overcome. You will only be hurting yourself in the long run if you don't satisfy your heart's desires. It is obvious that you find some happiness with your ex, problems can be worked out if both of you are willing to work it out.
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