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anonymous
writes: My husband's brother and his wife announced their divorce which will be final in early 2006. My BIL is somewhat of a loner and has no one to really talk to. We've always been friends for as long as I've been married to my husband (over 20 years) and I get along with him really well. We've been talking on the telephone 1-3 times a day (but I also talk to and try to counsel his wife too). Recently, I've asked my husband for a separation. Since we've been separated, I still talk to his brother very often. Last night, my BIL asked me to go to Las Vegas to celebrate his divorce in the new year. We really are just good friends, and are just leaning on each other when our marriages both seem to be over. Is it OK if I go to Las Vegas with him in February to have fun and forget about everything? There's nothing romantic going on, we've just developed our friendship to a higher level than it's ever been in the 26 years that's I've known him. My husband doesn't know we're talking as often as we do and would not understand if he knew. He would also never approve of me going to Las Vegas with his brother and would be really hurt. I'm conflicted. Help?
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female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (14 September 2009):
 Let's pretend that you are going with your husband's SISTER and even though you are in Las Vegas (Sin City), it really can be viewed more easily as a platonic friendship....
... for your VERY GOOD FRIEND'S sake, do you think your soon-to-be-ex would forgive his "sister" easily?
Brothers are forever. Even if you don't care if your husband is hurt, I presume you care how this association will affect your "friend".
I hope you decide not to go. Not right now. Wait until things are not so fresh and you are comfortable admitting your friendship.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2009): Hey, thanks all for your advice. It's been well received. We really are just friends. We've been to Las Vegas twice together (once when he got married 14 years ago and once a couple of years ago with all my husband's brothers and their wives). We both enjoy Las Vegas and have a lot of fun together. We've even spent nights gambling into the wee morning together, all platonic. We are really just leaning on each other, and in a very innocent way. The one poster was right, if it was his wife, who I am also very good friends with, no one would say a word. I just know it's somewhat wrong because for 1) I can't tell my husband that I'm talking to him as much as I am, and 2) I'm sure I would have to hide the fact that we were in Las Vegas together. So, if you have to hide things, it's just not the best way to proceed. I'm sure I won't go, because it would just complicate an already nightmarishly complicated situation. Thanks all for the advice!
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2009): I'd say go! If you were going with his wife to celebrate her divorce, no one would probably say a word about it. You can't have a friend as a male? But, I would stop hiding things if your husband doesn't know you're talking as often as you are. I would tell him too that you are thinking about going to Las Vegas with him. But, be prepared, people will talk, that's just human nature and stuff soap operas are made of!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2009): Please have more respect for your husband and LEAVE HIS BROTHER ALONE. think about your children and how you are going to mess up two families.Think if you can what you are actually contemplating with your BIL. This is no mere innocent trip. "accidently"," one thing led to another," have you heard of these stupid words when people try to justify sleeping with others. Well soon you will also add these words to your vocabulary.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2009): Of-course go to Las Vegas. You're separating from your husband, there must be a reason, why do you care if he is hurt. He'll get over it. Do what you want to do, you're grown woman. Have fun!!!
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