| A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Hey, i met he most amazing human 6 years ago and I love him to bitsWe met and instantly clicked, but distance and circumstances seemed to always get in the way. We've never been in the same place long enough to start something. (Studying etc) We've been sleeping together on and off for the past 5 years.There's something about him and I feel he feels the same about me. We've had our ups and downs the past 6 years, but we've always found our way back to eachother. And I know we care about each other so much, which is why I've found it incredibly hard to let go of him. It would hurt both of us if we lost eachother (although, I guess I can only really speak for myself :P)Recently we moved closer and we'd act like boyfriend girlfriend. He'd be so affectionate, cuddling on the sofa and kissing me on my forehead, holding hands and kissing publicly (which we never did before). We can talk about anything and everything's so easy when we're together.I should add that we've never really spoken about what we are. I have a hard time opening up about my feelings sometimes. And I've been terrified of telling him that I love him out of fear that he doesn't feel the same and id lose him completely as a result (kind of because I'm not sure I could just be his friend after everything).Back in January, he asked me if I wanted to go traveling with him for up to a year. At the time I was quite shocked, but also over the moon. I told him that I really wanted to and that id book my flight as soon as I had enough money. A few months passed and he asked me again, even offering to help pay for my flight. I was so desperate to book it, but I was still struggling with money- I wanted to make sure I could actually afford it, so I held back again. A few months later and it was drawing nearer to the time he was leaving I told him I still wanted to go and that if keep him updated with my plans. Now he's gone and he's out there having an amazing time by the looks of it, which I'm so happy for him. I've messaged him a couple times just asking how he's doing and what he been up to and he doesn't sound as happy to hear from me as usual. I understand he's busy and he doesn't get much time to stop and get online much, but what I'm scared about is that I've missed the window. I had this wonderful opportunity to see the world with someone I care so much about, and I think I've blown it by being too hesitant and cautious and he's taken that as though I don't care? I'm at the point now where I can actually afford to book a flight and get out there, but am I too late? He's already into the swing of things. He's met new people and has plans to travel around and I don't want to cramp his style. I'm also not sure what this whole thing means for us, as we've never discussed what we are, I can't presume anything.I still want to go travel, should I just do it? I'm not putting all my eggs in one basket, I understand things can go wrong, but if I don't try I'll never know! Thanks for any help :)
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2015): It is very unfortunate that you did not have a frank discussion about where you and he stood, before he left.
Now I believe your best choice would be to have a frank discussion with him BEFORE you decide if you will join him. Tell him exactly under what terms you would like to join him - FWB, I hope not; or what do you want, really?
No texting - you must talk to him! If he is not jumping for joy at your ideas, then absolutely do not go. If he can not make time to talk to you, then that would be a pretty good sign for not going.
If you end up not going, life will still go on. Next time don't wait for over 5 years before thinking of discussing "what we are"...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2015): It sounds like you two are not ready at all to 'settle down' and have a more traditional, couple relationship. So, if that would be the reason you'd go and join him - ie. with that goal in mind - then I'd say don't expect for that outcome to emerge.On the other hand, you are absolutely right that if you don't go, you won't ever know what could have been.He wanted you to go with him and he waited and waited. And you have hesitated almost far too long. I'd say do not wait a second longer. Pack your bags and go there. But be very careful not to expect an amazing reception, at least not at first. He will have started to accept you're not coming and has 'changed gear'. Might take him a week or two, and you being independent and not clingy at all, for him to realise that you are part of the fun.I think what can come out of this is, possibly, some amazing times for both of you. But don't expect a marriage proposal and a happy ever after - it seems like much of what you have together revolves around being carefree and having no commitment. At best, I think you can have some fantastic, fun times together and that in itself is unmissable.
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