A
female
age
41-50,
*hanib
writes:Do i start afresh or try and make it work? My partner and i had been together for over 6 yrs we have had 2 children, we split in july after i had discovered he was getting overly friendly with his ex/ he moved out and went home 2 his mum, we didnt speak for several wks and he eventually made peace with me, i thought we were getting back on track and suddenly his mum gets ill, she is 72. He then decides he is not moving back in. I dont see myself as a bad person but i am not at all close to his mum, i have often felt like i am his mistress as he has only ever lived with me a short time. The current situation is that he works, stays with his mum and just pops up in the evening to see myself and the kids. I dont feel like we are a family anymore and have told him this. He came up at christmas eve and i was tired from having the kids all day and he wanted affection and i told him to leave me alone, when he got up xmas morning he totally ignored me and eventually left not even saying goodbye, now he is not speaking to me but still wants to collect the children to take around his mums. This has been a regular thing recently and we have spent the last 4 months being on/off. I dont want to be mean but i know he slags me off to his mum and family. Should i give up and just move on because i dont feel like i love him anymore and is it wrong of me to feel that me and his children deserve a real man and not someone who hides behind his mum?
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female
reader, _nataliebeebaybee1 +, writes (12 January 2011):
 I know this is a hard situation with you having the kids alot, it can be very tiring. But this whole situation with his ex, has he actually done anything wrong ? Yeah its his ex but dont give him such a hard time they might just get along well ! Yeah it isnt right but people make mistakes ! Your married you have 2 kids hes obviously really in love with you even though you might not think that !
Hes going through a very difficult time with his mam , and even if yous two sort things out he might want to stay and look after. Hes not hiding behind his mother hes just being there for her, like shes being there for him, every boy needs someone to talk to. Im in a relationship and i know my boyfriend talks about me to his mam but thats his way of dealing with the situation. It sounds as though you have alot of jealousy and ive been there. What you need to do is to think outside of the box ! Visit his mam and try to get some connection that way you will see him natrually getting closer to you throguh this. Your showing your care ! You might feel as though you have no love for him but he is the father of your children, you obviously had deep feelings for him before ! You dont know what you have until its gone, and i my opinion i REALLY dont think you should give up on this ! Youve done so well looking after the kids and you deserve light at the end of the tunnel. Communicate with him , talk , ask how his mother is. Have normal conversation. Me and my boyfriend had the WORST christmas and new year ever , i found out he'd done things and said things to other girls , some exs ! but everyones human and the harder you work to make the relationship better , you'll find his ex and other wmen are out of the subject ! It does sound like he wants affection ! his mam is very ill and you just pushed him away . do you think that was right ? Seriously think about this and work on it like i said. Marriages can work with a little hard work , a bit of communication and affection. I hope everything works out ! x
Goodluck
Natalie
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