Should I give up my plans and independence to get this visa or return home and try and pick up the pieces without him?

A female age 51-59, anonymous writes:

Hi I really need some good advice. I am in the situation where if I want to be with my boyfriend, live with him then I cannot work for at least a year while we gather evidence for our relationship so I can get a visa on that basis - because we have been apart for a year we need to live together properly to prove it. We had a relationship for about 18 months in the UK (living separately) and then he emigrated hence the gap. I don't meet the criteria for any kind of visa and I have been over and over my options and cannot find a way to get a visa. I am studying but only part time around work currently and so although I could continue this overseas it will not fill my day. I also do not like the idea of not being able to earn my own money as I feel vulnerable and I am in my late 30s so it feels really important that I am secure. My boyfriend has no problem in supporting me financially and has a stable job in his new country - it is me that has a problem with it. The tension is causing arguments, one recently resulted in him telling me to f**k off and that it was over - he stopped the car even and walked round to my side opened the door and told me to get out - I didn't even know where we were. I feel I have to make a decision and these arguments make me feel vulnerable. I am just visiting him at the moment. It is going to cost me a lot of money to emigrate and I would leave family and friends behind. I am worried that the resentment is already starting to cause cracks in our relationship and that I could end up dependent on this guy and unhappy. I like the country he has emigrated to very much but it is difficult to enjoy yourself when you cannot feel fulfilled or feel 'whole'. I had hoped to set up as self employed this year part time too as some of the courses I have studied will allow me to do this - again, I will have to put this idea on hold. My frustration is compounded by the fact that last year I needed to be around for a family member who was very ill and so partially my life went a bit on hold for that. With so much pressure on the relationship it is difficult to assess its strength. I really don't know what to do. I feel the older I am the less chances I will get for happiness but I am worried I am losing myself in this relationship. Please help - Should I give up my plans and independence to get this visa or return home and try and pick up the pieces without him?

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A male reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (25 January 2011):

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A male reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (25 January 2011):

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A male reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (25 January 2011):

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