A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:For the past six months, I have sort of been seeing this guy. We met at a house party and got talking the day after when he asked for my number and things happened from there. We have spent time with friends and more time alone. Recently, we were at another party together and he said how I should have gone home with him and stayed the night. At this party, there was the odd him looking at me from across the room and holding his hand for a brief moment.Also, this relationship has been private and none of our friends know about what has been going on. I suppose I haven't mentioned this to friends because I'm trying to figure out what this is and I'm not sure what level he is on.I really like this guy, and I think that he likes me considering how things have been. But sometimes, due to my insecurities I worry that because of our relationship being private is a bad thing. Also, I want to tell him that I do like him and would like something more but I've never been good at making the first move.So what should I do? Give this more time or just seize the day and go for it? And is it nothing to be concerned about that this involvement is so secretive? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, onyx95  +, writes (29 December 2010):
my advice- i know sometimes when you like a guy its hard to tell yourself that he might be using you. the truth can hurt sometimes but you need to get away from him for sometime to think clearly. I dont think you should stay the night in that way. i belive that if what he is after is sex then agreeing to stay would be like agreeing on having sex with him. i say think twice about everything you do. and also tell your friends. they ont appreshiat you not telling them the trust. besides if you dont and his intenshins are bad who will you have to fall back on. ?
A
female
reader, xanthic +, writes (29 December 2010):
 'But sometimes, due to my insecurities I worry that because of our relationship being private is a bad thing.'Your instincts are right, it's a bad thing. Thinking so doesn't mean you're insecure. The comment he made about wanting you to stay the night is the clearest sign you could possibly get that he wants sex with no strings attached. Why else would he want you there all night?Listen to your gut, he's keeping things a secret for a reason. My guess is that he wants to still appear single to other girls while keeping you around on the side. Don't settle for 'sort of seeing' someone, you're either dating or not. No exceptions and no confusing grey area, otherwise things like this will happen again and again. Why be with someone that won't even ask you out properly?I hope everything works out for you, good luck.
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