A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:There is a man that I have been considering getting involved with. We met a few years ago. Since then we have maintained some correspondence through email, always friendly, a little flirtatious but mainly professional. The truth is when we met it was obvious we had a great attraction to each other and I was very let down when nothing transpired. The man in question is 19 years my senior and I am in my 20s. I know when we met he was afraid of how the two of us would look to everyone else. But now I have had some career success and it has put me more on his level.My question is this: Should I after several years, little correspondence and a lot of mixed messages, and at least 2 chances he forfeited to see me....should I give this guy a chance despite everything in the past? Or, would giving him a chance only give him another opportunity to disappoint me and further inflate his ego? What would you do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2009): (Author of post)
No he is not a work colleague, just a work related peer. He is in my field but we don't work together. When we meet he was very established already and I was just starting out. I recently had some success in my field which has brought me some attention. I know I will have to see him in the next year promoting and explaining my work. (I rather not go into the details).
He is not married, never has been...but perhaps there was a girlfriend I didn't know about I guess. He flirted with me via email on an off at his convenience or when he needed favors for about a year and then I didn't hear anything from him for over 1 year. Then I received a short email from him one day out of the blue and I responded a week later. He never responded to that email or the one I sent after it.
There were 2 opportunities he had to see me. One he suggested but then never wrote or called to confirm that he could meet. Then he was in my state last September and didn't think to call or write to me (when I found this out I was sort of hurt).
He lives in a different country and is 19 years my senior, there are odds against us for sure if anything were to develop in the future.
My question is for when I see him in the near future...how do you think I should treat him?
A
female
reader, wonderingcat +, writes (5 March 2009):
 How did he disappoint you before? He stood you up? Do you live in the same city, or within managable drive to each other's city? Is he married? (a big NO NO there).
Is he a current work colleague (with direct supervision line above you)? Is he your current college professor (which falls under direct "supervision line")? If no to these two questions, go to the next paragraphs ;-)
Since you have been corresponding for a while over email, professional as well as flirtatiously, I think it would be safe to just ask him outright. Tell him that you have feelings for him, and that you would like to get to know him more on a personal level and perhaps build a relationship together. That the age difference does not matter to you. And that it would be good if you could at least it discuss it in person, as opposed to in emails or phone conversations.
If he is indeed interested in you and has nothing to hide, I am sure he will agree to meet you, at least to discuss.
If he is still unsure or still has issues, or perhaps even not interested in going down the path of a relationship, I would not be surprised if would just put those words in an email as opposed to in person with you.
The question is, would you still continue to keep him as a friend, if that is what he wants only?
Hope my inputs (actually, my questions) helped.
Cat
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