A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:please read this although its long i really need someone to help me.i was with my boyfriend for three years, ten months into the relationship he cheated on me, it lasted for three weeks until i found out.we stayed together, and his cheating was more or less swept under the carpet, and we caried on as though nothing had happend between us. but inside my own head, i held onto the anger, i felt hurt and angry but always tried to maintain the relationship because i loved him. but i just could not let it go, i did not trust him.always when he went out id be in so much turmoil wondering where he was who he was with, and the feeling was horrible, i kept expecting him to do the same thing again so was scared to let my guard back down.this went on for another two years, but, for the last three months or so i have been saying things to him such as "i feel you dont love me". "are you with someone else", "do you like someone else", and "i get no attention from you", i did feel these things and had to get it out, each time he would deny the accusations and tell me that he did love me. but i couldnt rest, and last night i told him exactly how i felt. i told him how when i found out he was cheating i stopped being truly happy, and the time that has past since although i was happy i still had the cheating in the back of my mind. and could not let it go. i then told him that i was clinging onto him because of the cheating, and the anger inside me was the reasons that i was saying the things i said during the last three months.i felt a huge relief from getting it out, and i realised that afterwards i felt free and that i had let go and moved on. i told him all that and then told him that i still loved him, but now i could love him without the anger.he told me that he doesnt know what he wants now, that we could be friends until he knows what he wants, but he needs time to decide.how i hurt him with my doubts about his love for me, but he understood why. and that he believed we had moved on from his cheating. i lived a lie its true for two years by pretending i was ok, but i told him the truth of why and now i am ok.i know giving him time is the best thing but how am i supposed to be apart now when i have finally let it all go and just want to show him that i am not angry anymore?am i living with false hopes here? have i damaged what we had alot more? i want him to give us another try and see the difference but what if i wait and wait and he comes back with a no?i do not want to lose him but i do not want to wait for whatever length of time living in hope for nothing either.any advice for me would be greatly appreciated, even if its not what i want to hear.he sent me a text today telling me he loves me, but still insisted that he needs time, and that he doesnt know if six months down the line or so we would be back the way we were, but how can i show him we wont if we are not together?
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cheated on me, move on, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2009): he will not change.. and if he loved you he would try to earn your trust back, not turn your back,, he cheated and u stayed because you loved him.,. leave him and move on.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (27 October 2009):
You didn't damage a thing, and you mustn't think that. I'm sure you're blaming yourself for saying something, but you did the right thing. He's now feeling guilty because he realizes that what he's done has seriously hurt you. You did the right thing by telling him how you felt, because if you'd left it longer, you really would have been resentful of it and you would have ended up hating him. He apparantly couldn't handle it and is now very unsure of how you feel and how he feels. It sounds as if he didn't really do all that much to try and make it up to you. The fact you were still angry suggests that he brushed it aside, then just continued and never talked to you, or explained it, and worse still has left you feeling very unloved and uncared for. I'm sure you do love him, and i do think he loves you, but he's feeling guilty. I would give him his time, but after a month, call him and see where he's at. If he's still unsure, then it might be time to call it a day, because you don't ever want to be waiting around for someone when there might be another out there who can make you happy. I wish you all the best.
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