A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi Folks, I started seeing a girl around the middle of November last year. We went on several dates, many of which involved no alcohol and we got on really great. The dates lasted for hours and she was always expressing how she wished they could last longer.The conversation flowed really easily.Around Christmas time we spent a lot of time together. She has 2 children one who is 17 and one who is 4. She bought me a really personal Christmas gift that was engraved with something that was really well thought out. I, in turn, got her something nice too that she really loved. Around Boxing day she tells me that she feels that "she more than likes me" and all seems well with the world. We're supposed to go to a party together on New Years Eve when all of a sudden she goes cold. I call her and she says she thinks we should cool things. I'm a little shocked and hurt but wish her the best, knowing that she has children and that this may not be about me.Fast forward a week and half later and she texts me out of the blue to meet for coffee, saying that she hopes i don't hate her. I agreed to meet up. She proceeds to tell me that she made a mistake and just freaked out as she hadn't expected to find herself in a relationship and all of a sudden she was. She tells me she's happier with me in her life and so sorry for the way she handled things. I put forward my end of things and proceed to say that if there are any problems in future that we need to communicate and she agrees. This was two weeks ago. We've been on a couple of dates that we're great and very passionate. She telling me how she wants me to meet several friends and family members (I've already met both her children who are really nice).Up until last Saturday she's telling me she misses me in texts and at the end of phone calls and also communication is really regular. Then on Sunday we went out and even though we talked all the time the vibe just seemed colder, her kisses were less passionate. So, i sent her a 'How are you?' kind of text on Monday which she responded to quickly but kind of functionally, without any of the usual X's and such. So i gave her some space and on Wednesday night she contacted me with a 'Hey You!' kind of text, asking how my day was. I responded and asked her how her week was going. She came back saying she had had a crazy week and would call me the next night, which she did. Her voice seemed less enthusiastic and i kind of had to drag the conversation out,which has never been a problem before. She says she was having some family problems which were now sorted. We are due to go out to a show on Saturday night and i'm just getting the same feeling i got a few weeks ago when she ended things.Is this me being paranoid or should i pull her up on it? Should i give her the benefit of the doubt and trust that she will communicate any problems between us as agreed only a few weeks ago?Sometimes, i over think things so any advice would be appreciated.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for your excellent advice. This is a new kind of relationship for me and i'm just getting used to the differences between seeing a single mother as opposed to somebody without children.
You helped me to really see things from her perspective while also calming my own doubts. Thank you!
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