A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I started hooking up with a friend of mine about 4 months ago. We love each others company and have a great time together. She knows how I feel and she bounces back and forth between feeling the same way, and just wanting to be friends. I want to protect myself so I don't fall for her and then have her back out again. Over the last week or so she's come on pretty strong but is afraid to commit because of "timing". I feel that I have to give her an ultimatum in order to protect my feelings, otherwise she just keeps staying on the fence and doesn't give me a real answer. But i'm afriad she'll say no and the ultimatum will make her run away. But I can't wait around anymore. Thoughts? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Tigerlily +, writes (23 January 2010):
Sit her down and tell her that FWB just isn't working for you and you are looking for a solid committed relationship. Tell her you understand that she is on the fence, and you completely understand if she's not ready for a committment, but that can't wait for her to decide anymore and you need some time apart to think about what you need to do for you, and you hope she can understand. Then leave her be for a while. Give her time to miss you and see how she feels about the possibility of losing you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2010): You have completely the wrong attitude about this, how can you expect a positive outcome if you're thinking so negatively that you're considering and "ultimatum". You need to approach this positively, a serious discussion about where you stand and where this is going seems a better idea to me, not a "it's either this or that" ultimatum.
Talk to her about where she thinks this relationship is going and what she wants from your relationship. If she's still sitting on the fence unsure, then just move on, seriously. You don't need to tell her this part just begin to distance yourself from her, in my experience a bit of time apart is great for making someones mind up, if she wants to be with you, its during this time she'll realize how much she misses you. If she doesn't then you know it wasn't going to happen with her. Eihter way you need to know where you stand.
Drop this ultimatum attitude, even if she does want to be with you that's some heavy crap and will most likely make her want to run a mile. If you approach this in a relaxed positive way then the chances of success are much greater as she won't feel pressured.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (23 January 2010):
I think you're right in giving her an ultimatum. If you're tired of being strung along, then sometimes it's what you gotta do. But keep in mind, you also have to be prepared to follow through with it. So if she says "no" then prepare yourself to not call her anymore and don't take calls from her either. If you give her an ultimatum and don't stick through it, she will know she can get away with what she wants and walk all over you because she will know that you don't mean what you say.
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