A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am married for 16 years and we have one child, a boy. during the 16 years, my wife packed her belongings and moved to her parents at least twice a year. I kind of put up with this for 16 years. I took her for therapy and we could not get to the bottom of why she keeps doing what she does. She said that she does not know, but she gets bored of the same routine of marriage.She gets calls in the middle of the night on her mobile phone, and then she tells me that is was her brother that called. Her parents encourages her into this unstable life, and not once have they sent her back to our home to work things out amongst the two of us. They always wait and keep her at their place until she herself decides she's ready to come home. Last year 2008 was the breaking point for me. during on of my wife's disappearing acts, I befriended one of her co-workers that came to visit her while she was away on her disappearing acts again. Naturally, and I referred this lady friend to my in laws house. But instead, she decided to stay a while and talk to me. We became very good friends since then. Our friendship has since developed into a romantic relationship. The problem is however- I am 27 years older than this woman. We have now been together for 18 months. I told my wife about us during the second month of our friendship, and my wife has since stopped the disappearing acts. Even her my in laws are amazed that she no longer runs away from our home to their's. The relationship between me and this woman are still ongoing. I do not think that I could ever go back to loving my wife again. she has left me and our son so many times, not taking my son's well being into consideration. Not once has she taken our son with her during her disappearing acts. I was seen as the big joke in the family. They made fun of me and said that their daughter were staying with them, and just visiting at our house, and that she is much happier at their home then at her our's. I took this mental abuse for about 16 years - and finally I met this 22 year old woman - who incidently knew everything that went on in my marriage, because she is my wife's co-worker. I learned from her that my wife went around and said that I was the one doing the disappearing acts, and all her co-workers thought that to be the truth. Upon getting to know each other better, my now 'new girlfriend" found out that my wife had been telling lies not only to her co-workers, but also to her family. I am now happy and do not wish to go back to the life of uncertainty that I had of whether my wife will be gone or at home wen I return from work.I am totally in love, and my girlfriend love me just as much - She is however 27 years younger than me - I have no money - so it is not that.I am just the average everyday guy. She is very beautiful in every sense of the word - In appearance as well as manners.I now look like the bad guy. I am thinking of getting a divorce and start a new life altogether. I am in perfect health for my age.That being said- what am I to do/ I am being judged by a lot of people. Our relationship is not a secret. My girlfriend's parents knows about me and my wife knows about my girlfriend and me.what do you think - should I grab this chance with both hand - and get out of this uncertain marriage?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2009): i wrote you a very long message on your follow up. please read that and trust it makes sense.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2009): I agree man. You were not the cheater. If anyone was the cheater/s it was your wife and her family - They cheated you out of your happiness. They cheated by saying they are In-laws, but they do not act accordingly. They should have had a serious talk to their daughter-if not for your sake, then for the sake of their grandson - but they did not now, have they? I say - start a new life with your girlfriend. it is anyways better than staying in a dead marriage.Ya if the young chick flakes out, then you pick up the pieces and move on - Do anything..but get out of that bad marriage. You should write a book on how to survive a bad marriage for 16 years. I envy you. my wife agrees with me that your wife is a snob..she obviously chained you down by leaving your son behind everytime she disappeared.The fact thet you stood by your son through this, testifies that you are a genuine and good hearted person. I can quickly think of a couple og guys that would have taken the child and go dump him with the grand parents, but it don't sound like you dod that. Cheer up Bro.. she probably never stayed at her parents house all those times that she left- hence the reason for the late-nite calls on her mobile phone, and that also explains why she never took your son with her...you say not even once? Why is that? I think her parents were covering for her all along. If you ask me, she never realy stayed with her parents those times she moved out. And readers will now start judging your girlfriend that she betrayed your wife's trust? She actually betrayed all of her co-workers by telling lies - and who goes to work day after day and badmouth your husband or brag about your disappearing acts? How else did your girlfriend knew about it? You are right, your girlfriend informed you of the vicious lies that your wife spread about you. I always maintain - you can go around and tell lies for 99 years, but the 100th year you will be caught. And my friend, this is your time to shine. Be happy and shine,and I wish you both good luck, love and happiness.Go well
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2009): read between the lines. This was obviously an ongoing cycle of mental torture that this poor man suffered, that lasted for 16 years. He was honest enough to tell his wife about him and the co-worker during the 2nd month of his "Friendship" that probably developed into romance afterwards. Why has the wife's disappearing acts suddenly stopped since she heard about the other woman surfaced? Probably because she thought she could manipulate this man another 16 years? I salute him. He finally stood up for himself. This marriage was over from the start. He cannot be a cheater if there was nothing to cheat about. Read what he said - it was mental torture for him. Read what his in-laws did to him. They approved of their daughter's behaviour. So anonymous female writer- do not be hasty and be judgemental. I think this man has a chance at happiness with this woman - irrespective of her age. It would seem like they are consenting adults.He should let his wife move in with her parents permanently (because thats where she always ends up running to)and divorce her, get on with his life with the new girlfriend. Thank heavens there's only one child in the marriage. Let this be a lesson to others. When it looks as if you are at the end of the road, a miracle happens.If I take this man's age of 49 minus the 16 years of a love-less marriage -then I arrive at a total of 33. He should live life like a 33yo person and enjoy every moment of it - but keep in mind that you have a child with your ex-wife that will always be your responsibility. And if the wife should throw a tantrum, just ignore her - go through with your divorce -because therein lies the start of your new life and happiness. Best of luck buddy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2009): "I told my wife about us during the second month of our friendship, and my wife has since stopped the disappearing acts" BUT YOU continued your affair in any event. look at what you have been doing. please you only blame your wife. you are the one having this affair with a girl young enough to be your daughter.
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