A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: my husband and i have been married 16 years. He has 3 children 2 boys and 1 girl. I have 1 child a girl. His daughter has been the worst experience of my life. everyday is a constant battle, the kids are all grown now but she continues to cause trouble for my whole family. She has tried to break up my marriage, successfully broke up our oldest sons 6 year marriage and is now working on our youngest sons marriage. My daughter has moved away to keep her out of her life. my husbands mother has continually supported his daughter and helped her cause this trouble, and for 7 years my husband hasnt talked to his mother. the two continue to cause pain and drama in my life and I feel my body can no longer cope with them and it is time to call quits to my marriage. I have 7 grand children both his and mine whom I love very much, but I have had to take antideppressants and anti anxiety pills for years. I dont know what to do and my husband only says just try to get along. I cant stand to even go to her house. Do you think my marriage will ever stand a chance?? Or should I just get out now??
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2008): Vow, she sounds like an evil manipulator; and a very dangerous one too.
I suggest you have to talk to your husband about all this; It sounds as if your husband is trying the raod of least resistance and is hoping for everybody to be happy and get along; BUT this seems impossible with this woman; it is not fair to expect you and the other children to suppress your feelings just to keep peace in the family;
COMMUNICATION is vital in a marriage and I suggest you make a list of the various things and then discuss it with your husband in a calm manner; express your feelings and hear him out; if need be ask him to go for counseling with you; maybe a counselor can help him to realize how destructive this daughter have been to the family unit.
I can understand that all this is wearing you down and you need to do something about the situation; your health and your happiness is important; you cannot just turn a blind eye to all this for the sake of PEACE; there is no peace in troubled waters; you need to have these issues resolved in order to continue a happy marriage; I sincerely hope your husband will agree to counseling with you;
If all esle fails and he refuses to go for counseling; I suggest you still go; it will help you to make the right choices and decisions regarding your future and the future of your marriage.
My thoughts are with you. Best wishes, lots of hugs and SMILES.
Please keep us posted.
A
female
reader, aphexinfinite  +, writes (17 August 2008):
 you just need to have some authority here obvious this is going down hill more and more as she does things to upset people for the attention and the drama..i bet deep down she just wants someone to be their and to lover her.. in the end you need to do what makes you happy.. im far from saying leave your husband im saying more communication is needed you need to talk with your husband and tell him your view that you are deeply unhappy with things and it has to change.. hope that helps aphexy xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your answers!! I dont know what you want to know? She is married with 2 children my husbands grandsons. She threatens not to allow him to see the boys if things are not her way. The power maybe was the 2 years she took over as mom after her mother took off. Her mother was never in the picture the first ten years of my marriage and has only seen her youngest son 4 times in 16 years. Both boys call me mom and their children call me grandma. How does she cause problems in the boys marriages? asking the boys to come to her house and there is another girl there and then telling there wife they were over there with another girl. Calling and saying things to the wives such as "i'm having an affair with your husband" or "I saw your husband with so and so" She had her first child while still at home before married. and when her dad asked who the father was she said her brother and he had raped her several times while he was drunk. A story that never happened. Her grandma thinks everthing she says is true and believe me she piles on the crap. When younger we lived on a farm and she would call g-ma and tell her we had no food to eat and g-ma would get food and take to her 15 miles in the country. Therewas food in the cabinet. I dont want drama in my life I have enough of that at my job. I try my best to get along with all the kids, including her. For my husbands last birthday she tried to plan a 50th b-day party without me knowing it. A friend of mine called me and told me, I told her just let her plan it. My husband was only 49!!! I am an adult and my husband and I are very happy when ther is no drama. Why he defends her, I dont know! He just wants everyone to get along and be happy! He thinks every time she has changed and shes different etc. but its always the same and hes always sorry, till the next time.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2008): I agree with Diovan; it is very difficult to give a true opinion and to help you to get perspective with the little information available;
HOWEVER
your own daughter moved away; this "daughter" destroyed his eldest sons marriage and it trying to influence the youngest one's too; your husband's mother is supporting her?;
What and why is everybody "bowing" down to her? Why does she have such influence and controll?
Why is everybody allowing her such POWER over there lives?
You and your husband have been married for a few years, why would you consider a grown up child to have such CONTROLL over your lives; sounds as if "your" daughter did the best thing by moving away;
You and your husband need to talk and need to take stock of the "havoc" and destruction this daughter is causig in your own marriage and in the lives of your family;
Why is he protecting her? Is she married? Does she have children? Is she handicapped?
I suggest you need to take controll of your emotions; you must be in charged of YOU; do not allow her or anybody to take your power away; you need to talk to hubby and you need to work through this;
I do not have enough information as stated in the begining; Is the relationship between you and your husband satisfactory in other aspects; are you compatible? Is this your only friction?
BUT
I do suggest you seriously consider counseling.
Your happiness and your marriage should come first;
Best wishes and lots of SMILES.
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A
female
reader, aphexinfinite +, writes (16 August 2008):
i strongly agree with diovan need more info on how she has so much power ? surely if your husband knows then tell him their are ground rules you cannot take this much longer and things need to change he wants to see his daughter fine but on your terms ie not in your house so forth.. stand tall and strong be the better woman and not walk away.. she is only trying to push you away because she knows people give in so push her back a little have inner and outter strength be couragous its in you to say no enough is enough.. please post more good luck aphex xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2008): There's so much unsaid, there is so much I don't understand. How old is this daughter, how could she ruin somebody elses marriage, what kind of trouble dose she cause. Why can't you demand that she stay out of your life, you don't have to entertain her if she is so difficult for you. It's his daughter, not yours, why dosen't he go to her house to see her. Your going leave your marriage because of one young girl? That's crazy, your an adult, why are you letting somebody push you arround. There is so much to the story that you haven't said. She's old enough to get on with her own life, tell him she is no longer welcome because she makes you upset. Be rude to her, slam the door in her face, change your number. If is an adult, why do you have to put up with her. She lives with her mum, why hasn't she gone off and found her own man, and her own life? I'd be pleased if you could provide more information, because I don't understand what power this girl has over you and your family.
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