A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:A few years ago, my partner's best friend (let's call him "C") was living in a camper in the backyard. C would always make me dinner and we would hang out in the yard every night. Then suddenly we were hanging out all the time, every day, every evening, talking for hours. C would help me out with anything and he was always there for me. He never hit on me and nothing ever happened between us but his eyes always shone when he talked to me and we only wanted to hang out with one another--like, for example, we all went to a wedding at the neighbor's when my partner came home, and we didn't get to hang out at all, so he walked me back to my house -- a two minute walk -- so that we could be alone. Apparently we hung out too much, so much that everyone was talking about us. It never felt like too much to me. I was just happy to be happy, I wasn't planning on cheating on my partner, I just wanted to be with C whenever I could because he made me feel like sunshine. He was always very gentlemanly towards me although he did give me little touches all the time (hands, arm, shoulder, hand on my waist at the wedding, etc) but he never overstepped the boundaries and neither did I. By the time I realized that I had developed very strong feelings for him it was too late. This lasted the entire summer. During this time, my partner was working on the AK pipeline. When he was home he was always rude to me and didn't have any time for me and our child. He had always been very verbally abusive when drunk but it seemed like it got worse. He accused me of sleeping with his friend and refused to believe (still refuses to this day) that I had never kissed or slept with C.I planned to leave him. In a very unstrategic move on my part, I decided to tell C that I had feelings for him--but I didn't. Instead I told C that I was leaving my partner. C was very upset that I'd told him first, he said that my partner would probably kill him so "please don't tell him you told me first". Then after I left he called my partner and told him. The next day C came over to get his stuff from the camper and move out. He was really upset with me. My partner says that C said that I was a ho and various other horrible things. I felt very, very betrayed and it took a long time for it to stop hurting.I only saw him(the friend) a few more times after that and he was always very friendly and very happy to see me. What does that mean? My partner and I tried to work things out but we have discovered by and by that our personalities really clash and maybe we're better off just being friends.Should I get in touch with C(they stopped being friends shortly after the whole thing went down)? What would *you* do? This happened almost 3 years ago.
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best friend, drunk, move on, wedding Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for replying, everyone! I really appreciate it!
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2011): Maybe your partner said this to discourage you from pursuing a relationship with C?
You had an emotional affair with C. There is no way to know for sure what C said. If he was angry at you it may have been because he felt his friendship with your boyfriend would be damaged by you leaving your bf. He shouldn't have told your bf about the breakup.
I'm not sure if it would be a good idea to reopen all of this, I probably wouldn't.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (5 March 2011):
 What made you think about C as if there's no one else these 3 years?
How can you be sure that your ex didn't lie? It's possible that he wanted you to think badly of C so that even though you were leaving your ex, you wouldn't hook up with his friend either. It's a pride issue because losing your girlfriend to a best friend could be the most painful thing. I just find it hard to believe that C would say something like that when he's supposed to be scared of your ex.
What I would do is forget them both and move on. If you contact him again it's just going to bring up negative memories.
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