A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:How do I deal with this break up? (High school to college)I had been dating one of my best friends for about 9 months until summer rolled around and decisions about college had to be made. Keep in mind while you're reading that this was my first real relationship. We always had a lot of fun but got into frequent arguments about space issues and college. I tend to be very independent and I do care a lot about how people view me. But on the other hand I don't have much of a social life, I grew up around older people and I always vied for their respect, therefore I kinda skipped the reckless teenager stage. Now my ex-boyfriend is probably the exact opposite, he is very dependent on me especially for emotional stability because he doesn't have a very good home life and he has a pretty decent social life while also coming off as an asshole to most people because he does not care about how he is viewed. The issue here is that I pulled the plug on the relationship and now I'm doubting myself. He wanted to stay together through college and my reasoning to break up was that I wanted to spend my time on focusing on my school work, getting adjusted to a new home, and eventually maybe dating other people. He understands this but is still extremely distraught. I've been struggling a lot with the break up even though I don't show it or vocalize how upset I am. We were such close friends beforehand and he completely understands me even when I shut down and refuse to talk to him. I think part of the problem is that I have no distractions, I sit at home everyday because I have no one to do things with and him on the other hand is away working at a camp out of state for the whole summer. While he has distraction he is still probably more upset then I am. He came in town for a couple days this week and basically avoided me and came off as a complete dick. He knows how upset I am that I have nothing to do all summer and yet he made plans with everyone else but me and the one time I did see him he was on the phone the entire time texting and was in a rush to get me home even though neither of us had anywhere to be. It just had seemed like he had changed so much and I understood that some of his behavior was a way for him to not give in to falling for me. He drove me home tonight and I started to say how I was disappointed in him and the fact that he just shoved me aside especially when it could very well be the last time I see him before college. He got very emotional and said that every day at camp when he has downtime he is really upset and that him being an asshole and distancing himself was his way of dealing with things, he said that the first thing he was going to do when he drove into town was come directly to my house but he had several people tell him that it was a bad idea and that he can't keep coming back to me because we aren't dating and it's only been a month since we broke up. I know that the only way to get over this is probably complete separation and it's just so hard! I don't know if this is just because it's my first time dealing with something like this but I just can't seem to shake him, and I have to be honest with myself and understand that I'm pretty desperate for companionship right now. I am debating whether or not I should try to keep the relationship going or to just leave it and endure the pain to go into college single. If I leave it how do I deal with this without having really any distractions, and how do I just forget him when he is my closest friend and someone who makes sure I meet new people and have fun? Or is it worth it to attempt it in college because I really do love him, but what about all the other things I have to stress over and experiences I might miss out on? I would really appreciate your thoughts, I literally have maybe half a day before he leaves to talk to him in person.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (4 July 2012):
 You are angry at him and upset that he does not hang out with you and seems to be hanging out with everyone else. It sounds to me like you are jealous that he has friends and you don't. What did you expect him to do? Just go back to being friends with you? It does not work like that at all. You both are over now and you are leading two separate lives. You say he was the one that was dependant on you, but it sounds to me like it could have been a bit of both. You cannot expect him to go back to just having a friendship. He needs time away from you to get over you and this is his way of dealing with that. So don't contact him allow both of you some time to get over the relationship.
I think it would be a bad idea for you to get back together with him, for the simple fact is I think it is just because you have nothing else to do or no friends to keep you occupied. Things will get easier once you go to college and you need to learn to be more sociable once you get there and make friends. It will be healthy for you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2012): If you don't want to date him, then don't.. He seems like a great guy and one of the hardest qualities to find in a man is someone who can act as your best friend and lover, instead of just a friend with benifits.. But if having a relationship is holding you back from college and what not.. Then I think maybe it is time to focus on school and not a relationship.. Explain to him that you think it is for the best and that maybe if you both have feelings for each other after college and you are both single, then MAYBE you guys can get back together, but until then, just stay best friends.. I hope this helped.. I wish you the best! Good luck with college.(:
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