A
male
age
51-59,
*ovicenluv
writes:Hello, about a month ago I decided to move out of the apt. that I shared with my wife of eight years. I decided to break up with her because I felt I could no longer trust her; but now I'm having second thoughts about what I did and I'm contemplating taking her back. The issue is that she had been keeping a secret relationship with my sister's ex-husband; I use the term relationship because I'm not aware as to the degree of my wife's involvement with my former brother-in-law. Mainly the evidence I have consists of voice mails he left on her mobile phone, and a record on our computer's history function that indicated she had visited his myspapce profile. When I first discovered about their secret correspondence I made it clear to her that she had to sever all ties with this man if she wanted our relationship to continue. She agreed, but about a month ago I discovered that she had broken her promise and was still in touch with him; that's when I decided to move out.I confided in my sister about this matter and she told me that she had her suspicions about my wife and her ex for sometime; she told me that it was likely they had crossed the line and that neither of them is trustworthy. Although my sister's ex confessed about being unfaithful to her with another woman, he maintains that that other woman is a coworker of his and not my wife.I love my wife with all my heart, and she keeps asking me to take her back: however, I can't shake the reality that she chose to betray my trust in her not just once but twice that I know of. Should I get back together with my wife; or is it time to cut my losses and move on?
View related questions:
co-worker, get back together, her ex, move on Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2007): You should definitely get back with your wife. If that's all she's done, you're a lucky man.
A
male
reader, novicenluv +, writes (14 December 2007):
novicenluv is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for your feedback; I will keep it in mind as I struggle to reach a decision. To clarify about the voicemails my wife received from this guy, well they weren't necessarily incriminating messages but listening to his voice in her phone drove me to the wall for the simple fact that I had asked her to sever all ties with him. Again thank you for your prompt replies.
...............................
A
female
reader, Blue_Angel0316 +, writes (13 December 2007):
 Sorry this thing posted twice. It didn't show up so I had to repost. Now it is there twice. Even Angels make mistakes. *Smiles The best of things are yet to come. Thank God he isn't thru with me yet!
Blue_Angel
...............................
A
female
reader, Blue_Angel0316 +, writes (13 December 2007):
I am reading here that you must have heard something in the voicemails that made you think she might be having or contemplating an affair. Since I don't know what the voicemails said I will assume that you could have possibly had the right to feel betrayed. The visit to the other man's profile on MySpace could be for just the sake of seeing the profile or it could have had other implications.
I suggest that if you love this woman and she is asking you to come home to consider that she might love you as well. You do need to take time to reflect. To think about the voicemails and take into account that you might have misinterputed the meaning. Since you love this woman and don't want to loose her to someone else you may have let your imagination run wild. Also you must consider that you could be correct in the assumption of an affair or contemplation of one.
As for what your sister believes she could be right or she could be misjuding the relationship between your wife and her ex because she is being judgemental since it is her ex. She again cold possibly not like your wife. There are so many things to consider. Ultimately you have to consider the fact that she is your wife and that you still love her. (That what God has joined together let not man put asunder) For better or worse, for rich or for poorer, in sickness and in health, til death do us part. Those are indeed sacred vows. You must however come to your own conclusion following your own heart and let your conciense be your guid.
If you can get in touch with your own feelings and forgive the woman you love then you might be able to make your marriage work. I would suggest talking to her about the situation as she already knows why you left I am sure. Let her know that you do love her and you want to understand why she gave you room to doubt. Remember you can not make things work if you get angry so stay calm and talk it out. Seek counseling if you need it. Got to a Pastor, Priest, Preacher, or Marriage counselor. Someone who can help you to deal with your problem.
Remember the last 8 years of which I assume were pretty good as you didn't say otherwise. Relationships take time and work. If she loves you then maybe she will understand if she has done anything wrong that she must set it right. If anything was going on between your wife and the ex- brother-in-law then she should cut all ties with him in order to make a clean slate. Staying in constant contact with him will only prevent the healing to begin.
If you really love her then never give up HOPE. May God bless you both and bring you to a new beginning. Seek His Will and it shall be done.
Godspeed.
...............................
A
female
reader, Blue_Angel0316 +, writes (13 December 2007):
I am reading here that you must have heard something in the voicemails that made you think she might be having or contemplating an affair. Since I don't know what the voicemails said I will assume that you could have possibly had the right to feel betrayed. The visit to the other man's profile on MySpace could be for just the sake of seeing the profile or it could have had other implications.
I suggest that if you love this woman and she is asking you to come home to consider that she might love you as well. You do need to take time to reflect. To think about the voicemails and take into account that you might have misinterputed the meaning. Since you love this woman and don't want to loose her to someone else you may have let your imagination run wild. Also you must consider that you could be correct in the assumption of an affair or contemplation of one.
As for what your sister believes she could be right or she could be misjuding the relationship between your wife and her ex because she is being judgemental since it is her ex. She again cold possibly not like your wife. There are so many things to consider. Ultimately you have to consider the fact that she is your wife and that you still love her. (That what God has joined together let not man put asunder) For better or worse, for rich or for poorer, in sickness and in health, til death do us part. Those are indeed sacred vows. You must however come to your own conclusion following your own heart and let your conciense be your guid.
If you can get in touch with your own feelings and forgive the woman you love then you might be able to make your marriage work. I would suggest talking to her about the situation as she already knows why you left I am sure. Let her know that you do love her and you want to understand why she gave you room to doubt. Remember you can not make things work if you get angry so stay calm and talk it out. Seek counseling if you need it. Got to a Pastor, Priest, Preacher, or Marriage counselor. Someone who can help you to deal with your problem.
Remember the last 8 years of which I assume were pretty good as you didn't say otherwise. Relationships take time and work. If she loves you then maybe she will understand if she has done anything wrong that she must set it right. If anything was going on between your wife and the ex- brother-in-law then she should cut all ties with him in order to make a clean slate. Staying in constant contact with him will only prevent the healing to begin.
If you really love her then never give up HOPE. May God bless you both and bring you to a new beginning. Seek His Will and it shall be done.
Godspeed.
...............................
|
