A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:After 32 years of reasonably happy marriage, I suspected my husband was messing around with another woman. I asked him what was going on he told me his feelings for me had changed. He had strong feelings for another woman and she felt the same. It turned out to be a work colleague who he had been spending a lot of time with. It took me many months to get the complete truth out of him, he lied constantly, left me in pieces several times to go to evening events with her and was very cruel to me. She on the other hand is well known to be a dreadful flirt and was just using my husband to boost her own confidence and lapped up all the attention he was giving her but never had any intention of actually being with my husband. Just using him to flirt and enjoy watching him make a fool of himself. However he has admitted he thought he was in love with her fancied her like crazy and would have slept with her given the chance, leaving me would have been an option. The affair was mainly in his head, wishful thinking, but he only ended the sordid little affair when she started flirting with the other men in the office and stated very clearly that she was happily married. Initially she told my husband that her husband has given her an ultimatum and made it sound as though her marriage was in trouble. She is an attention seeking bitch. I feel he only came back to me with his tail between his legs begging for forgiveness because she rejected him, he was happy to dump me the children and the grandchildren while he thought he had a chance with her but that all changed once she decided she had had enough of his time and attention. I have gone through every emotion going and just don’t know which way to go the kids are with me all the way which ever I decide. They are no longer close to him, in fact they never really were.
View related questions:
affair, confidence, flirt Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, boo22 +, writes (30 July 2009):
 My heart goes out to you, you must be devastated after all this time. Its the oldest one in the world though isn't it. Married man making a fool of himself, while the wife is oblivious. Then he gets found out. What are your options now? Whats your scenario? Is he really really sorry and trying to rebuild things? Do you fancy divorceing him and starting a new life? Made easier by the fact your kids are very much with you on this. I know many people who've been through this. Some women are angry, then just bury it under the carpet and things go on. Some can't get really over it and still stay together, but they're not happy. Some say leaving was the best thing they ever did. You know the answer, good luck x
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (29 July 2009):
 My heart goes out to you, what an absolutely shitty thing to be going through. I bet your minds all over the place with this.
Its true that a lot of people have brief affairs and then end up back with their nearest and dearest, you could put it down to a midlife crisis, but I think you have to examine how your heart feels and in what way it has changed your relationship with him. Obviously your trust is probably shot to pieces over this and only time will heal that.
You don't say if your husband is back living with you, but what you can do is ask him for time so you can really decide what you want. You may be in a state of confusion at the moment and sometimes clarity only comes after a respectable amount of time has passed. Don't make any big decisions yet. If he really is coming back with genuine sorrow and respect for you, then he should allow you to call the shots. If he is flippant about things then kick his arse to the kerb. Extra marital affairs are like bombs, they destroy a lot of the good that has gone before, and it is only a strong person who can be gracious enough to forgive.
Consider marriage guidance or counselling, keep your children close to you. Things may not be as broken as they seem, but your husband needs to assure you that this will never happen again, 32 years is a lot to walk away from for both of you...
take a breath, take time, take professional advice and then listen to your heart.
God bless you and I hope you find some peace in this situation.
Aunty Em xxx
...............................
|
