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Should I forgive my ex for ruining my relationship?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating, The ex-factor, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (13 September 2008) 2 Answers - (Newest, 14 September 2008)
A male United States age 41-50, *ronze writes:

About a month ago, I started talking with my ex-girlfriend again. We drifted apart due to living in different cities and her dealings with her ex-husband and her children. Since our breakup, I started dating my current girlfriend. Unfortunately, over the past few months, I had come to the conclusion that I wasn't happy in the relationship and planned to end it. My plan was to end without making it a messy breakup. When I would speak with my ex, I explained how and why I wasn't happy and the fights we had and other things that I really don't want to bore everyone with. In all, I felt getting into a relationship with my girlfriend was a mistake and told my ex how much I missed being with her.

Anyway, my ex calls me the other day and says she's going to be in town to visit family, so we make plans to get together for dinner. She asked if I had completely broken up with the GF because she had read something on her Myspace page that suggested we were still together. I explained that I hadn't yet, but I didn't get into the details why. She then messages me saying that she emailed my girlfriend out of anger because she felt I wasn't being truthful with her. I immediately demanded to know why she emailed her and what she had said. Next thing I know, I'm on the phone with my girlfriend, sobbing and yelling, reading the email with had practically everything I had told my ex and the location and time of our dinner date. My ex apologized profusely, saying that she was out of line and that it was a knee-jerk reaction that she didn't think through.

This was completely out of character for my ex. Everything that I had confided in her she used against me, which absolutely devastated my GF and caused a terrible breakup for us. She says she did it out of anger and wasn't thinking. But a part of me feels that she did it out of spite and selfishness. Yes, I realize that I had planned to breakup with the GF, but not like that.

Do I forgive and forget or should I give her the 3rd degree for the grief she caused? Should I even bother talking to the ex anymore?

View related questions: ex girlfriend, her ex, my ex, myspace

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2008):

Of course you shouldn't. She crossed a major, major line. I'd cut off all ties from the ex.

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A male reader, Bronze United States +, writes (13 September 2008):

Bronze is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Hi oldersister. To clarify, and to expunge your notion of how I consider myself to be on some type of moral highground, my ex asked for fogiveness. Honestly, I didn't know why she was asking seeing as how she had already apologized. But now that the damage is done, where does it leave us? This is why I asked the question I did.

Anyway, thank you for your advice.

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