A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My bf and I have been together for almost 4yrs now. I'm not even going to get into our history because it's been a long, exhausting, emotionally draining rollercoaster of him cheating, neglecting me, and just being a jerk in general. Lately, it seems that his answer to everything is trying to leave, even though he never actually follows through with it. Neither of us ever do. The longest we've gone without talking is a week, but eventually one of us (usually him) always comes back. It happens so many times, I'm at the point where I know he's bs-ing and is gonna come back at some point so I just wait. Boy, when we break up for good, it's gonna be unbelievable. He thinks I'm a b*tch who argues about every single thing imaginable, but I think he's an *sshole who doesn't make enough effort into our relationship or making me happy. He won't change unless I change and I won't change unless he changes. He thinks he's the boss, that I have to listen to him and change my attitude in order for him to change, but I think that since he's done me wrong so many times that he should be the one changing and that by him doing so, I wouldn't have anything to argue or have an attitude about. Anyway, he told me today that by me constantly arguing and being on his case, it makes him not wanna give me what I want even more. We're both stubborn as hell, and he swears that he's more stubborn than I, so if anything supposed to work out between us then I just need to stop all my arguing and he'll give me what I want and if I don't change then he's just going to leave. One of my biggest problems with him right now is that he's all talk and no action, a lot of empty promises and the like. Today, he asked if we could just be nice to each other for one week. He seems to think that if we do that then it will stick and everything will be okay again. I know it's not going to stick, because whenever I've tried to be nice to him in the past and just ignore our issues, he gets this idea in his head that everything is okay again and just stops trying altogether, which just ends up bringing back our animosity towards each other.I've never wanted to cave and change my attitude because I always felt like he wouldn't change afterwards because again, he thinks he's out of trouble and goes back to his old ways. I decided today that I would cave and be nice. I told him it'd be his last chance, not that it means anything because I've given him plenty of chances and never stood my ground.Thing is, I feel like total crap because I feel by me caving, I let him "win," when really I'm just trying a different approach and doing what he says will get me what I want. What's up with this mentality? I just don't get it. Should I feel like crap because I let him win, should I just ignore it and see what happens? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2011): Why exactly are you with him? You don't mention love, compatibility, or even happy memories.
You can't make him change, unless he really wants to do so. Either you will have to change, without any guarantee that he will as well, or break up.
A
female
reader, GeeGee255 +, writes (30 July 2011):
 We all like to win, but Aunty BimBIm is right, your winning the battle but losing the war. You guys need to act loving toward each other even when you don't feel like it, and give the love a chance to follow.Otherwise your just going to keep doing at each other like a couple of caged up pitbulls.If you still feel like your would rather win an arguement with him more that you want to win his love then the relationship is already over in everyway that matters.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (30 July 2011):
 This doesnt sound like a mutally respectful relationship at all, more like some sort of war."He thinks I'm a b*tch who argues about every single thing imaginable, but I think he's an *sshole who doesn't make enough effort into our relationship or making me happy. He won't change unless I change and I won't change unless he changes". Well, somebody is either going to have to change, or bear the consequences. I hate clichés but in this case it suits:"Be the change you want to see"If your changing doesnt bring about changes in him the relationship is doomed, and will fail either now, or sometime in the future. In my opinion its best if it fails now, before you become even more bitter about it than you appear to be now.
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