A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Does it make you feel insecure,when your boyfriend tells you about his ex before you?, like do you wonder if she is prettier, hotter, more smart?Well my wonderful boyfriend, which is older than me,divorced,no kids thank god!!, had an ex if you can call it that way lol before me, so he had mentioned her when we first started but he did not give away any details or all the story with them both,so on Saturday he told me how they began, and he said, they had a nice time together, went out, but he would not consider a boyfriend and girlfriend relationship just by the way it all turned out,so on Sunday we go out again, and we where talking about how we met and just having a nice conversation laughing, enjoying time together, and he told me that when we began to talk, he travel back to his hometown for 2 weeks, we had not even gone on a first date, we were just talking on the phone etc, so when he goes back to his hometown, he kind of told his mom he had met me, but he did not wan to say it was confirmed that we were going out,cause his mom really wanted a good woman for him, so he did not want to give her false hopes about me, the point is he said going back to this ex girl he had, that his mom did not like her at all, and then he began talking about her again, the same things he had said on Saturday, that she was too diva, all the guys were after her, rich man, blah,blah, they did not even had sex,she was nice and all but there was something missing in her.This girl has a great job, looks pretty, like a model, I already saw her, she is pretty, but I was expecting more, not all that, but she is short 5’4 so I don’t know what he meant by model etc!THE POINT IS: all of this conversation coming from his mouth made me insecure, and made me question myself: is she prettier than me? does he consider her prettier, better than me? and all these things, plus I cant deny I felt a little jealous as well, like if he wanted her badly or felt more for her that she for him, etc.
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his ex, insecure, jealous Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2018): Why are you worrying about what goes through his mind about someone who isn't even in his life??? You want mind-control?
Here I go again, repeating myself here on DC!
INSECURITY KILLS RELATIONSHIPS!!!
There is a point in your relationship when you must bond as a couple, establish trust, and settle-down. The durability of a relationship depends on trust and your level of maturity. You commit because you've singled-out someone you want in particular. You don't go deaf, dumb, and blind; you just love them.
You feel you aren't good enough; because you can't force a man's mind and eyes to think and see nothing but you. Well, prepare for a very lonely existence. Going from one failed relationship to the next. Killing them, because you don't think you're worthy to be loved as you are. Thinking only beautiful people get all the breaks. He mentions her a lot. One time is too many if you're jealous and insecure!
Like I said. He's not the problem here.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2018): Oh dear, I am not wiseowl I am the anon who replied and you really are not taking the advice given to you. You are becoming fixated with this woman and I am going to hazard a guess he knows it and likes the fact you are acting bothered, just why though, she is not his ex.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2018): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@wiserowl I believe that my problem is that i am insecure and Want to feel confident control in the relationship. But I talked to him About it, cause recently he has been mentioning her a lot, and using her as an example of his past relationships. So the things of life, I have a friend that recommend me a helicopter tour guide, and i was seeing his instagram , and guess what, there was a picture of her with the helicopter tour guy, and i felt as if this produced some sort of emotion on him, and i was like oh this was that girl that you said that you kind of had something with, that was pretty, model looking, executive looking, and son on. He said yes, i think is her, but i felt as if he was reminiscing, so i feel weird about, what do you think happened to him? What emotion went through his head?
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2018): Your insecurity is your problem, not his. He said quite a few negative things about her; and he was giving you some of the backstory of his life, and old relationships. We mature guys tend to speak of the past. Sentiment on fond memories and complain about the bad memories. He is complimenting you by telling you how much better you are than she was. Your jealousy and insecurity has obscured the whole thing; and turned it into rubbing your nose in it. Am I missing something here?
I know all about my boyfriend's exes. He has great taste; so I know they had to be hot. They all cheated on him, and used him for his money. He's got lots of it.
He could have anybody he wants; but he loves me. It's been going strong for the last five years. I had a relationship that lasted 28 years before him. My partner died of cancer, and I have many fond memories to share. He had one guy he was very attached to; who was murdered. They come up in conversation time to time, but they are only memories. He sometimes jokes and tells me how I make him feel like he has been the only guy I ever wanted. You don't know how good that makes me feel! He's a great looking guy, he could have someone younger and hotter; but we fit like hand in glove.
Who cares if the people in their past are better looking or this or that? Who are they with now?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2018): She is not an 'ex' he went on a few dates with her, said she was pretty but they did not gel together, so where is this 'Competition'? I am not sure why he keeps mentioning her to you, does he want you to be insecure and threatened or are you questioning him and getting him to talk about the last person he dated? I don't get why you care so much about what she looks like, it doesn't make her a better person, looks fade. You sound like you are on the verge of this becoming a bigger thing than what it needs to be, forget about her, he is NOT dating her, he is with you, chill out, enjoy dating and go with the flow, don't let this insecurity manifest itself!
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