A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I just barely broke up with my boyfriend and we're still living together because he has no where to go. I've known i wanted to break up with him for quite a while but didnt know how and another guy ended up coming into the picture... Ill try to explain the story in a short version.I moved across the country for my boyfriend just over year and a half ago, and for the past few months i just havent felt the spark any more. and I havent been wanting to go home so i would just stay at my night job to hang out with everyone instead. There is this guy who is friends of my co-workers that comes in all the time and we started flirting and just joking around. And he knew all about my bf and that i wasnt happy and yada yada yada.. well one night (a few weeks ago) we had been drinkin and making out and went in the back room. i wouldnt let him get down my pants cuz i insited i wasnt "that kind of girl" while i had a man... so we continued to talk and flirt and then i had the talk with my man...About a week ago, i talked to my man (ex) and told him i was 22, didnt know if i was still in love with him, wanted to see what was out on this coast for me, and needed to find myself before continuing on with our relationship. (btw i did Not break up with him for the other man. The fact that i could flirt and mess around with someone else in general made me realize i may not have been as happy as i thought) So the bf/ex said he would sleep on the couch until he found a place to go. which he hasnt found a place and hasnt slept on the couch!Well a few days after we break up, i see the other guy and once again we had both been drinkin and we end up hooking up... so now i dont know if i should feel bad for sleeping with him while im living with my ex?? We were officially "broken up" but i know how much he cares for me and if he knew i slept with this particular guy, he would never speak to me again. And the sad thing is, is that now i have a crush on the other guy but i know im just another girl on his list... im pretty sure his only intentions are to get down, even tho he swears he's not like that. haha yeah right! And my ex has still been sleeping in the same bed as me and talking to me like nothing happened. It's making everything so much harder than it should be, but I cant move out because my apt is under my name..im really confused and dont want to hurt my ex any more than i already have.. I just really dont know what to do or think.. please help!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2009): I don't think you should necessarily feel guilty, but it was certainly bad judgment on your part to get sozzled and then sleep with another man whom you barely know, and who, as you recognize, wants nothing more than to get into your pants. I know you said you didn't WANT to, but, you know, drinking tends to loosen inhibitions.I know you said you are "officially" broken up with your former boyfriend; but the facts are, he's still living with you and you know how hurt he would be if he was aware of what you did. IF, on the other hand, the ex was already moved out, it would be a somewhat different story.However, that's now in the past. What do you do now? Does your ex have a job? You need to give him two or three weeks to find someplace else to live, and in the meantime, INSIST he bunks on the sofa. If he still hasn't found another apartment by your deadline, my suggestion is that you change the locks and have a couple of guys to assist in moving his stuff - of course you must tell him his time is up, and maybe pack up whatever of his you can (does he have furniture, or just clothes, books, etc.?) and make sure you can arrange with guy friends (but NOT your current lover!) to be there when he comes to collect his belongings. I recommend this as a last-resort in case he still hasn't found someplace else......BETTER STILL, talk FIRST to your resident manager and see if the management office has any ideas about getting him out of your apartment!P.S. My boyfriend lived with me for about a year, but only because he didn't have the means to live elsewhere. Fortunately his circumstances have changed and he now has his own apartment, I'm glad to say. We are still gf-bf, but having our own space is important!Good luck!
A
female
reader, jessica04 +, writes (13 March 2009):
 Wow, this is quite a mess for you.
This happened with me and my ex husband. When we divorced, we still lived together for a while because of economic reasons. I started dating my current BF very shortly after wards, and felt extremely guilty, like I was cheating on my ex husband somehow (even though it turns out he was cheating on me the whole time, but that's another story).
Point is, you need some space. Tell him bluntly he needs to be on the couch and out in 2 weeks. You won' be being mean about it, but it's really the best for both of you. Him still living there just blurs the lines in your relaionship with him.
You have nothing to feel guilty about. Just take things a little slow until he moves out, for your own peace of mind. But you're doing nothing wrong, and you were honest with him about what you want. tha'ts all you can do really.
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