A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:About 8 years ago, I dated a girl who I had known for a couple of years after her divorce. We started out as friends and dated on and off for 3 years. We broke up because I wanted to get married and have children and so on, but she was unable to commit. I understood, told her that I would wait until she was ready, but she said she didn't want to marry me.Anyways, I ran into her a few months ago and she had just gotten remarried, but complained that she was unhappy. I wished her well and said goodbye.For the last couple of weeks, she's been emailing me. It's mostly about how she shouldn't have let me go and how no guy has treated her as good as I did... blah blah blah. I haven't responded to any of her emails. I'm recently single, yet have no desire to speak to or see her. From what I remember, she didn't treat me well during our relationship and I know her husband doesn't treat her well now. It seems as though she's only attracted to guys that don't treat her well. Should I feel bad for being happy that I didn't end up marrying her?Signed: Happily not married
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broke up, divorce, no desire Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your responses.
Sarcy24, I can assure you that I treated her very well. Perhaps I wasn't clear about what I meant regarding her being attracted to guys that don't treat her well. Both husbands treat her really bad, which may have been a reason she married them. I treated her really well, which may have been the reason she didn't want to marry me. The only guilt I feel is not responding to her emails, because it seems like she's reaching out for help (or maybe attention).
I've known the answer, and reassurance is exactly what I was looking for. She made the mistake of letting me go and should accept her decision to marry someone that treats her the was he deoes. She's sleeping in the bed she made... literally.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (28 December 2008):
 ***From what I remember, she didn't treat me well during our relationship*** That right there, is the reason why you should be happy that you aren't her husband. It doesn't mean that if you had married it would have sucked. But it means some of the basic things in a relationship and marriage were lacking even back then.
Often after a relationship is over, people realize that there were things that wasn't so wonderful about a former partner. Obviously she is unhappy and not necessarily with her marriage, but with herself. Easier for her to tell you just how awful the husband is. Maybe that would make you feel either guilt or love and come rescue her.
If she keeps sending you e-mails you can do 2 things: send her one back telling her that you have moved on and would prefer she stops writing you or ignore her emails and hopefully they will stop.
I would really suggest the ignore her emails, she seems almost desperate to have you back in her life.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, BlueCherry  +, writes (28 December 2008):
 Could very well be that you're a bit interested on someone that once rejected you, and its now very much interested. That's normal! And so she got into a sucky marriage and its now wishing for old prince charming, can you blame her?
Be HAPPY you're not the husband, nothing to feel bad about here.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2008): I can only think that your looking for reassurance on this. No you should feel abolutely elated that you didn't marry this girl. The type of guys she seem to be attracted to is the type that usually won't work out in te long term. As for her relationship with you, keep in mind she's only seeing your good traits because they clash with her husband's bad traits.
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A
female
reader, sarcy24  +, writes (28 December 2008):
 I am not sure that you are being totally honest with yourself over this. The fact that you have posted this question makes me think that you probably are still a bit interested and are in a quandary as to what to do. When you were togther you say she did not treat you well and now she is in an unhappy marriage. You then state that she may only be attracted to men who treat her badly - are you then saying that you yourself did not treat her well. Are you feeling guilt over the way you treated her or are you secretly pleased that she is unhappy in her marriage? I am not trying to play devils advocate its just that for a man to pose a question like this on this site there is normally a lot of factors that have contributed to him feeling the need to do this. Personally I would have a long hard think about this lady and be honest about what you really feel.
If you are genuinely glad that you did not marry her because of the way she was with you then there is nothing wrong in being pleased that you made the right decision. If she is still holding a torch then you are doing the right thing not responding to any of the e-mails or texts so as not to give her any false hope. If you do not respond then eventually the texts etc will stop. Before you cut her off though please do think that she may be older and wiser now and may be at the stage where she now feels able to offer you children and family if that is still what you are looking for. All the best,
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