A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:?Hi Cupid readers I would like some advice on a guy that I like at my local gym. I have asked for his help with the gym equipment and from there I have built up the courage to talk to him. Our first proper conversation I was surprised with how we hit it off. He is shy and quite reserved. I would be the one to initiate conversations with him. I noticed his face would light up when we chatted. It’s quite hard to get to know someone in a gym environment so one day I built up the encourage and asked him out for a drink. I found out he was single. I was on cloud 9 when he said yes and we exchanged numbers. I said to him I’d text him to arrange a day to go for a drink with him. 2 days later I text him to arrange a drink which was like 2 weekends away so nearer to the time I arranged a time with him but he didn’t text back. We didn’t end up going for a drink as I hadn’t heard from him. I mentioned to him in the gym if he got my last text which I was trying to confirm our time to meet up but he said he didn’t get it. A few weeks later I text him via WhatsApps and arranged a drink and thought maybe WhatsApp might be a better way to reach him. He agreed to go for a drink with me but then 2 days later he said to me. He wouldn’t be going for a drink with me and said he’s just come out of a long term relationship. He thought he was ready to date and was looking forward to going for a drink with me but he’s not ready. He said the timing is not right and apologised for any inconvenience caused. I said to him I totally understand and I hoped he finds what he’s looking for.Over time with him I have gradually stepped back from him ie I stopped paying attention to him, I stopped initiating conversations and would just say hi to him to be pleasant. I was hoping by me stepping back he might step up and put more effort into me.Now we are at a point whereby we don’t say hi and talk. Sometimes if we are both passing by in the gym he’ll say hi but it never leads to a conversation. My question is to the guys.Am I doing the right thing by not paying him any attention and putting no effort with him. I feel quite bad that I’m ignoring him and just focusing on my workout but he’s giving me no reason to try with him.Thanks! Anne
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (22 June 2023):
 "Am I doing the right thing by not paying him any attention and putting no effort with him."
Yes, and stop feeling bad.
He SAID he wasn't interested so no need to feel bad. If he was interested and the "timing" was bad, he would have made more of an effort.
It's OK to shoot your shot and it's OK to be turned down, just accept it and move on. Look elsewhere if you are wanting to find a guy, this one is a no-go.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2023): He already told you he isn't interested, so you need to move on. Sure, say hi to be polite, but apart from that, don't bother seeking anything more. You are wasting your time on this one
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2023): I’m not a guy but to me he has clearly indicated what he wants. In time he may change his mind but he is not ready to date again. I think you are doing the right thing by not going out of your way to speak to him but not ignore him either because he’s basically doing the same to you. Be friendly, and maybe in time when he is ready to date he will come to you again but I also wouldn’t hold out and wait around for him to do so.
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