| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: I've started seeing a new guy and things are going great and I think pretty soon we will have sex. My problem is that I've only been with one other guy (I'm 20) and in that 2 years we were together I never had an orgasm, through intercourse, oral or fingering. I enjoy sex anyway but my ex took ages to accept this and I had to reassure him so much that it wasn't a big deal to me so he didn't blame himself. I don't feel like going through the same thing again, so should I just fake it?
View related questions:
fingering, my ex, orgasm Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2006): 1. Just because your first guy was crap, doesnt mean the second one will be. I know thats blatent but my point is not all men are the same! just because one guy cant make you have an orgasm dont mean another one cant and there is nothing wrong with you!! Dont worry
Its not just about dick sizes neither! technique and confidence are just as important, you will be suprised how many men stop as soon as a women is "getting there" when in fact the man should continue going faster and deeper until you climax.
2. believe it or not many men are happy to have a female direct the sex and im not talking about just being on top of him!! I mean both of you have to consent to sex and you do it by YOUR rules and i know you are thinking sex with rules is like being back at school (just without the sex)!
Dont allow him to insert and start sex until he has satisfied you with foreplay and made you climax.
RESPECT yourself and you can always say NO!
Its a big thing for a man not to feel good enough in the "bedroom" (or wherever), its not sexist remark it affects women too but not to such an extent.
A man wont attack you or anything if you say "i want you to make me cum before sex", i mean if he cant do that he feels useless and it messes up his self-esteem etc. so he will do it besides many men need foreplay to get erect! its true! besides many men love a bj before sexual intercourse. ;)
A
female
reader, bonym  +, writes (16 August 2006):
 Dont fake it, dishonesty is not a good start to a relationship, orgasms are not the be all and end all,I mean just enjouy being together as a couple, why fake having an orgasm just to make him feel better, dont do it my dear. xXx
...............................
A
female
reader, Wendyg +, writes (16 August 2006):
 Honey by faking it you will be doing yourself a mis service... if you fake it your guy is going to straight away think hes getting to your spot and stop trying to please you. You need to be open and honest and discover together what works! Just because it didnt work in your last relationship doesnt mean you cant orgasm in this one, some people need alot more time to discover what turns them on, and if you take the easy route and fake it your guy doesnt stand a chance of making you feel good. Maybe try on your own and see what works best... invest in a love egg something like that and explore on your own, by working out what gets you to orgasm on your own will enable you to guide your partner in the right direction... dont right it off.. good sex can be had and for some it takes longer... get to know your guy a bit sexually, the first few times it may not happen, but he could very well be a very very different lover to your last and can easily push your buttons!! We all have different sex and its about working out what works best for us... as time goes on with your new guy, you will work out what each other like, take time together to explore and dont fall into the trap of oh well we are having sex and this is how it is, it can be changed and explored and experimentation is always good.. what works for one doesnt always work for the other, so take your time learn about each other and like i say try on your own and see how goes... I mention a love egg as this is a small vibrating egg that you can place on the clitoral area, relax and give in to it dont try to hard, try a few times and each time you will probably feel more easy about doing it, even introduce it into your sex life with your new man once you have been having sex for a while, but not in a way that makes him feel not good enough, just tell him you like it and want to play together!! there are a number of toys out there that may be of help to you, try them expirement a little you have nothing to lose and everything to gain...
If you want some more one to one advice on this sort of subject feel free to email me. :o)
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2006): In my opinion, honesty is always the best policy. Before mentioning anything to him, though, try having sex with him or have oral sex or what have you. See if he can get you to reach an orgasm before you tell him it's impossible. Just remember to relax and don't think about orgasming, or it won't happen. Just like a watched pot never boils. If after a few failed attempts, be honest with him and tell him that you have had past troubles reaching orgasm. Maybe he can help you figure out the right way to push your 'love button'! You never know what could happen. And think of how hurt he would be if he went on thinking he was a champ and then found out that you have been faking it every time. Yes, in my opinion, you really should be honest. Give him a shot at it first (some guys just don't know how to do it), but if that doesn't work, you have to tell him the truth. I hope this has been of help. I wish you the best of luck and I hope everything works out okay for you. Take care!
~RJGirl
...............................
|
