A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:For the past two years I've been at a college on the other side of my city, the side I had never set foot in before. It's a very tight-knit community that doesn't care for strange outlanders it seems. I tried at first, I really did. But as soon as it became apparent I did not know so and so or had no connection with whatshisface they just didn't want to know and they instead struck up friendships with those who did know aforementioned generic locals. So I thought, to hell with it, I don't care to impress or fit in with people as narrow minded as to believe that because I wasn't born there I don't matter. And so I spent 2 years keeping to myself, monday to friday. My frees I usually spent wondering round town, or in pubs or coffee shops which weren't flooded with college people. I was practically invisible, I didn't think it would knock my confidence but to be honest it did. It made me anxious at college, I dreaded every day and counted down the last fifty. If I didn't have friends back in my own area, I'd have gone insane.Because the thing is, I'm not like that. I'm not introverted or shy or anything. I'm the opposite. I'm the life and soul of the party, I'm loud, funny, daring, wild. In my home town, people know who I am before they've even met me. I have no inhibitions, there's confidence pouring out my ears. I'm relaxed and on fire at the same time. And when I've been to new places on my own, it's been the same, I own the place, I'm not intimidated by anyone or anything. I love strangers, meeting new people, I'm a social creature. It's just that one bloody area, those people, I don't know whats wrong with them or whats wrong with me, but they scare the living daylights out of me and I'm a nervous wreck. I know I must be partly to blame for the situation but I really do think there is something wrong with that area. I mean at the weekend I stopped at this camping megastore there and even then these strangers, customers and employees were just looking at me like I was some alien invader from another planet, I don't get that anywhere else.So I'm just about to head off to uni in just over a months time, and I know uni will not be like college as there'll be none of this "sorry, natives only" crap. But as for college, just 5 minutes getting my results, then I'll never have to see those people or that place ever again. There've been a couple of parties over summer I've deliberatly missed as I simply resent the majority of my college and don't wish to awkwardly fail to mingle with them any further. But there's just one left. This little get-together with one of my classes. I suppose they are the least hostile of my classes, and there are several rather nice decent people in this class, yet they still succumb to the same code of outlander rejection just like the rest of them, depite them being ever so slightly more human than the rest of the town. Anyway there's this girl in that class, long story short, she was the only one I continued to make an effort with in this hellhole, she's what made the first year bearable, this year we drifted apart, I still Love her, I can't be around her without loving her. We've briefly spoken a few times online though this summer, she asked me to one of the parties which I hadn't been invited to, I said I was busy, I couldn't help but think she was only talking to me out of pity or guilt. A few days later I saw a photo that quickly got removed of her and another girl in our class making out (they're bi, I'm gay). I think things were awkward with them afterwards, but that girl then had a party which we were both invited to (it was a big, invite the majority of your facebook affair) and I don't think things are so awkward anymore. There was no way I was going to that, I'm not that much of a masochist. So I really am torn. On the one hand, It's best to face your fears, I managed ok before, albeit with the help of rescue remedy of anti-blush serum (yes it got that bad). Also I try to tell myself I don't care what they think of me but a part of me, a rather proud part, can't quite leave things like this, with them thinking I'm a doormat. On the other hand, It would seem strange if I acted differently now, and they'd question me about it, and after a few drinks I might admit my resentment. Also that photo hurt enough, I couldn't bear to catch the live performance if thats the way things are headed. And then after a few drinks I might also admit my resentment over that as well. But I don't want to regret denying myself one last slither of a chance with her if I have one left.Should I face my fears head on and go to this thing? or should I admit that the past 2 years have been a failure, forget them, and carry on happy as larry on my own turf?
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2011): To be honest this little get together sounds like a final opportunity to get to talk to people and you maybe surprised at how warm the people will be there outside a shook environment so go
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2011): depends on what exactly it is you fear about this party, and what it is you really would like to do but are being held back by the fear.
If you secretly harbor a desire to tell everyone off and tell them what jackasses they are, then sure going to this party and doing that, will be facing your fear and you will benefit from it.
but if it's their social acceptance that you want, then going to the party probably won't achieve that so what will you gain by facing the fear only to not get anything out of it?
Now on the other hand if you have a plan for changing the way you interact with them in a way that makes you feel better about yourself regardless of the outcome of the interaction, then you can face your fear and it will be a success no matter how they react to you.
it all just depends on your attitude to what you want to accomplish by going to the party.
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