A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I met a guy a couple of years back due to work, but have since moved to another state.I've always liked him, I'm sure he knew after a while, but at the time he was in a relationship.Recently he got in contact with me out of the blue, but since we have been talking daily and for hours. He is no longer in a relationship and we expressed a mutual fondness for each other.The issue, however, is distance. I don't know why, but I always seem to end up in this situation! He is literally across the nation, and the entire situation is very frustrating. I JUST got out of another long distance relationship that didn't work because my ex wasn't as willing to put in effort communicating and traveling.The difference may be that I met my ex online... this guy I've known in person and worked with for a couple of years.I really, really like him, but having dealt with long distance before, I am wary... and its almost painful talking to him and building this relationship that may not even take off. I'm caught between giving it a go and seeing where it takes us, just remaining friends, or dwindling off contact so I don't get my heart broken...Would love advice.
View related questions:
long distance, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2015): The convenience of social media gives young people a false sense of security; that a connection will survive distance as long as you stay in-touch. So many take a risk in tying a love-rope around the heart of a person drifting off into the distance. "We can always tweet, Instagram,or Skype... it will be like "almost being there." If you're addicted to texting, you don't mind having any excuse to always have a "fix" on hand. Getting your jollies texting message after message, after message.
You need to play in your on backyard a little. There may be wonderful prospects right up under your nose; but you like long-distance connections, because they keep you busy and you love messaging. It's no coincidence! It's happening accidentally on purpose, kiddo!!! You're avoiding being
scrutinized up-close and personal. You go for situations with guys where you can blame "distance" for pulling you apart; instead of something you may have said or done.
You keep them at arm's-length; because breaking-up at a distance, is easier than breaking-up with someone in close proximity. They're out of sight when it ends; so you don't have to cross paths. I see through your little game.
It takes a lot of weight off being a responsible, interactive, and entertaining partner. You don't have to fix yourself up to chat on the phone for two hours. You don't have to show your real emotions, you can use emoticons. You can pickup where you left off, without missing a beat. That's really no way to conduct a love-life or an emotionally-connected relationship.
It's being techno pin-pals.
You need the comfort of a real man; not a face in a four by eight screen! A laptop on your lap, instead of his head full of bushy hair to run your fingers through. Or his smooth shiny bald head to leave the print of your lipstick when you kiss it. Something soooo much more personal!
Challenge yourself to being interactive with someone you can see and date; and only have to drive a few blocks or miles to see. You're avoiding engaging and injecting your personality. Feeling comfortable being a techno pen-pal!
No, you don't need another long-distance relationship. How many have to fail before you figure that out? Fail without a device to blame it on. Keep warmth and "closeness" in being with someone.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (30 September 2015):
 You end up in long distance relationships often?
You are probably spending a lot of time on social media and apps?
I think that it's very easy and comfortable to sit on the couch and try to connect with people through all your various screens. How do I know? Well, I do it too!
You need a bit of a detox from that. Spend no more than one hour total per day on the screen, social apps, etc, talking to him.
I would suggest to you that you find yourself in this situation because you don't really truly want the realities of a real life boyfriend, who is there daily.... Why? I don't know. But you might have some ideas.
I would not devote so many hours into a relationship that keeps you from meeting an actual local live available man.....There are wonderful men and women all over the place, you don't need to focus all your energies and efforts into one man, ya know?
As the bumper stickers say, "Shop Local" :)
And spend some honest time thinking about why it is you keep winding up in the same situation. :)
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 September 2015):
 If neither of you are likely to move closer to the other (due to work, family, whatever) or want to live where the other one is, I'm not sure there is much point to it, as it will be mainly texting and IM'ing and maybe some Skype thrown in there.
I think I would stick to just being friends for now. See where THAT goes.
...............................
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (30 September 2015):
 My experience is: An LDR is nearly impossible to maintain but does lend itself to some major fantasys.
...............................
|
