A
male
age
30-35,
*obysdog
writes:Okay, I'm a long distance relationship here... we been going out for 8 months but in august she want to college to another city. sometimes she comes to visit but we do have problems. For example, we argue, and she some times disrespects me as thou I'm not worth anything to her. When i call her, she mostly not listening to me and I"m the one who's always texting her and stuffLike 2 days ago she said things in which she trys to do to hurt and she sometimes does this to me. For example she said "okay it is over and do not do this and that" and thou it is joke.. And thing she gets all mad and me because she said i do nothing in this relationship. For example, she thinks i do no have time for her but i always do. She coming soon like in 2 weeks back... Idk what to do, should i end it? because she has disrespected me so much, has done things to hurt but i just do not know what to.. help please .
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male
reader, Griffo  +, writes (13 November 2010):
 You have to sit down and have a long hard think. Which you probably already have. But to cut a long story short you need to ask yourself if you can really see you both together happily. if it such a stress on you to be with her then maybe she's not the one for you. But only you can decide that.
I wish you the best.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (12 November 2010):
 Some parts of this I can relate to as I had the same thing happening in my past LDR. He wouldn't have time for me, it could take him days so reply to my messages, and he would often be too busy for me. Even though I had far more responsibilities than he did, I had work, studies, was volunteering for 3 different things. I still always had time to send a message, and he didn't. To me this case sounds similar in that area, that she is too busy for you when you call her, or ignores you, but then expects you to reply was and quick and respect her.
However, when you write "stuff" I really don't know what you mean, so I just have to go from what you have actually said.
You said she talks about other boys and that that is disrespectful? Not in all cases. Does she know you don't like that she talks about other boys to you? In what way does she talk about them, is it in an inappropriate way? If you haven't told her, or talked about this, then she can not understand it, because people see things differently.
Why does she say you never have time for her though? You say you always do, but does she have any cases where you don't have time for her? In any case, she surely doesn't seem to make you her top priority.
The bottom line is anyway that if you feel this is too much for you, you are free to leave her. You are not married to her, there's no kids, you are free to do whatever you please. And personally I don't see why you should put yourself through a relationship that is not good for you. It sounds like the distance was just too much for this relationship, and that happens a lot. Not many relationships survive long distance, and those who do have to change to adjust.
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A
male
reader, Tobysdog +, writes (12 November 2010):
Tobysdog is verified as being by the original poster of the questionlet me clarify, sorry about that but answer will be appreciated
Okay, I'm a long distance relationship here... we been going out for 8 months but in august she went to college to another city. sometimes she comes to visit but we do have problems. For example, we argue, have like miscommunication every other day and she some times disrespects me as thou I'm not worth anything to her. For example, she treats me as im nothing but then she tries to fix it. Also she sometimes talks about guys and stuff which we males get sometimes jealous and stuff.
We been doing fine but since we went to long distance just things seems to be difficult.. I try to talk to her but she sometimes does not want to listen because she thinks the stuff i say is useless and when she says something she makes seem as thou it is important and if i dont understand it she gets upset and starts ignoring me and says she just wanted to do that so that she could think about things
When i call her, she mostly not listening to me for example she is talking to her room mates and stuff and making jokes and stuff. But eventually she says sorry in that sarcastic tone and she says she wont do it again. but still does.. and I"m the one who's always texting her and stuff. And she replies like in 10- 20 or maybe an hour minutes saying that she was eating, with friends, studying or other stuff.
Well i too go to college but i always make time for her and stuff and whenever she calls me i answer to her. but sometimes she wants me to do things quick for for example, answer her text quicker and stuff.
Yes she is my first gf and yeah she told me about her past relationship which was 3 relationships and she told me everything about them. and yes we got closer with one another. I do trust her and i know she wont be lying, but she is giving me too much drama and stuff. Like she gets upset with the certain friends i hang out and ridicules me about them while i dont when she is hanging out with some guys and friends over there. She tells me everything but i sometimes think she is not telling me the whole truth.
Like 2 days ago she said things in which she tried to do to hurt me and she sometimes does this to me. For example she said "okay it is over and do not do this and that" and saying "you will be making a mistake leaving me and will never find someone like me" as thou it is joke.. And she gets all mad at me because she said i do nothing in this relationship. For example, she thinks i do no have time for her but i always do. She coming soon like in 2 weeks back... Idk what to do, should i end it? because she is causing to much drama and yes it is causing my grades to go down because of this. idk what to do, should i stay with her or end it? i do care for her alot but idk what to, please help me, I'll appreciate it
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A
male
reader, Griffo +, writes (11 November 2010):
No, don't end it. You see I have the inclination that she may have another love interest and she is waiting for you to dump her so she can then make a move. I don't know why, but some girls/women lure you into dumping them because they can't stand the fact of doing it themselves. I think it has something to do with regret. And if she does it I reckon she'll regret it because you are such a great guy. if you dump her shell make it out as though it's your fault and make you feel like a real prick for doing it. So my suggestion is don't do it. Although to you it may be over let her ride it out and break up with you. Then she's te one who will feel bad for doing something dumb and breaking up with a great guy .. One day she'll regret it not you. That's not to say though that guys/men dothe same thing. They probably do too.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (11 November 2010):
If you do want to end the relationship I suggest you do it before she comes to visit you. If the purpose for her visit is to go see you then there is no need for her to travel to see you if you only want to end the relationship. It is best to break up in person, out of courtesy, but not if the only purpose for her visit is to go see you.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (11 November 2010):
If you don't want this relationship then you are free to end it as you wish. But I can't see clearly from what you have written what the problem is? It sounds to me like miscommunication, if she thinks you never have time for her, and you think she doesn't have time for you (the not texting and not listening).
Have you talked to her about what sort of communication she wants, and where you feel you are the only one doing the work of keeping in contact? A LDR take a lot of effort, much more than a normal relationship, and both parties need to be equally devoted to the relationship and prioritize each other!
You mentioned she has disrespected you often, in what way?
A LDR is hard like I said, and unless both parties are dedicated to each other, and have good communication, it wont work. If the relationship isn't making you happy then perhaps you should let her go, but that is entirely up to you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2010): LDR's require a lot of work and good communication. If you are the one who's doing all the texting, calling etc... then she's not into the relationship as much as you are. To me it doesn't sound like it's going to work out in the long run.
She sounds quite spitefull if she's intentionally saying things to hurt you. Is she really worth all the effort? I think you're wasting your time on her when you ould be meeting another girl who, not only you can see everyday, but will treat you with a bit more respect. Your girlfriend sounds pretty immature and not really worth the hassle.
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