A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I recently invited my best friend to meet a man I am very fond of and have a deep friendship with. We went to his house and during the course of the evening we talked about relationships. I said I had never been married and she told him it was because I was difficult. I was not at all pleased but said nothing. However I just noticed that she was doing little things to get his attention and when I danced with my friend she walked out into the garden and my friend asked me if she was okay. When she said she liked the music he gave her the DVD which rather upset me and she really gloated over it. A couple of days later she wrote to him thanking him for the evening and the DVD and providing all her personal numbers despite the fact that she has a partner. She gave me the letter in a sealed envelope to give to him but instead I opened it - if there was nothing in it why did she need to seal the envelope. In general she has been a close and supportive friend but occasionally she will do something really mean and wounding. When I look at our two lives I feel that she is doing better than me but outsiders have told me that I am much stronger but her need to be liked and adored manifests itself often in a destructive way to the point where I feel I should end this 20 year old friendship. What should I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2011):
I think I would speak to her about all of this- just be direct and tell her it is NOT ok for her to attack you this way and to attempt to make your friend, who I guess you want as a bf, think less of you. She is competing for him even though she is attached which is not something a friend should do. And how grade school to give you a note from her for you to give him, maybe you should just not give it to him?
Only you can decide if she is worth continuing with. When a friend of this length acts this way maybe it is time to say goodbye or at least to distance yourself from her, especially since she has done similar things which have hurt you in the past.
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