A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Should I end my relationship?My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years now and the relationship has been pretty rocky because I have been very jealous and we both are very stubborn and stuck in our own ways.My situation is this...my boyfriend started a new job about 6 months ago, and his personality completely changed. Our relationship went from our usual roller coaster of when it's good it's really good, when it's bad it's really bad, to when it's good it's ok and when it's bad it's very very bad. He started complaining about me to his friends when that has always been one of our rules. We don't go to our friends with our issues because you forgive your partner much faster than your friends do and we never wanted to compromise our relationship in the eyes of those most important to us. I overheard him calling me a "psycho" to his coworkers after he thought he ended a call on his cellphone with me, but really the call never disconnected. When he's shown me text messages in his phone between he and his friends, I've caught other messages with his other co-workers that look like he's talking about me with other guys he works with. Is this a big enough deal to break up with someone over? I feel completely betrayed, but I also know I'm very sensitive and can be very controlling. What is the best way to handle a situation like this one?He also goes to his family frequently when we have issues, which might be more acceptable, but I hate having a lot of other people in our business. Any suggestions?
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your response to my question. He actually isn't afraid of confrontation, he's very confrontational--too much so sometimes. And he and I battle it out about our problems and get everything out there...a lot of the time with him saying things he shouldn't or doesn't mean. But later he still feels the need to go to his friends, co-workers, or family. I think he does this because he needs to make himself look like the good guy in the situation after saying the things he probably shouldn't have ever said or name-calling, etc.
A
female
reader, kirra07  +, writes (22 November 2010):
Ideally, he would come to you about your problems and the 2 of you could deal with them. However, if problems aren't resolved and he's angry, upset, stressed, etc, he needs to deal with those feelings in some way, and maybe his way is to vent to and discuss with his friends. It's a pretty normal thing that a lot of people do. And generally friends are fairly understanding that couples fight and that what they hear is not the end all and be all of that person. So if he does say bad stuff about you sometimes, hopefully he also says good stuff at other times so that should cancel out. And I generally try to reserve judgment until I myself meet them and form my own opinion.
So I would try to cut him some slack about him discussing your problems with others. All that pent up emotion needs to go somewhere, and if he calms down discussing things with others, and maybe gets some good advice, all the better. That's less frustration that he'll bring home to you.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (22 November 2010):
 The problem here is that you guys don't know how to communicate with each other..Also, add in the stubbornness, jealousy, and trust issues..I don't know how your relationship has survived but it definitely hasn't been easy.
When you have a problem with someone you have to go to the direct source, not bitch about them to family, friends, co-workers. I was engaged to a guy like this, let me tell you the relationship finally ended. No matter how many times I encouraged him to talk to me, he wouldn't. He would even go as a far as to complain to my own parents about me.
Anyways, you have to tackle the communication issue first..Encourage him to talk to you when he has a problem with you, not anyone else. However, I'm sure he's one who doesn't do confrontation so after 2 years he's still not going to. He's set in his own ways and won't change that about him. So yes, you should end this relationship because it's not going to go any further with failed communication.
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