A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi AllIve been in a Long Distance Relationship for 3 years now, its not as extreme as some, we are just over 3 hours apart, and spend friday to sunday together every week without fail.All our holidays are used to spend extra time together.We talk every day, all our dinnertime is spent emailing, and we speak on the phone every night.The time together is always fantastic.. we dont ever fight or argue, i love her very much and we totally trust each other.However we have struggled for probably a year now to find a way to be together- we both have safe jobs we have had for 20 years- so initially looked at somewhere inbetweenwhere we could both do long commutes to work, but it wasnt affordable with the travel costs (combined travel costs were absurd).My partner has moved to live with a partner before and it quickly went wrong (luckily she got her old job back) so she wont even consider giving her job up to move to my area.. so the onus was on me to switch jobsIve spent nearly six months now looking for a good job in her area, and although ive had a few interviews its got me nowhere, the job market in the UK is awful. Its also made me review wether i should leave a completely safe job of 20 years in the first place!. If made redundant in a new position i could be unemployed for a long time.But as much as i love my partner i dont see the point in a relationship with no future? Weekends are blissful, but in the week im pretty much miserable and lonely all the time- do you think i should end this, and let her and myself find someone local?I have conflicting emotions, part of me cant imagine her not in my life, shes my partner AND my best friend, the other logical part of me tells me theres no future in it... and thatill get over it eventually.Finally if we did split, do you think that despite the relationship being LDR its always best to be face to face rather than on the phone?And do you think that a long period of absoloutly No contact is necessecary to help us get over things?Thanks
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best friend, long distance, period Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2012): I agree with the others, it sounds as if you've already made up your mind to break up. You have made many logical points as to why it doesn't make sense to continue as it is, but for me, true love is anything but logical! I also have been in a LDR for 3 yrs and people sometimes infer that it might be easier to find someone more local to love. It may be true - I'm sure we could both find someone more closer to our respective homes to be with ... it absolutely would be more convenient. But when you love someone the way I love my other half, the idea of falling in love with someone else is unthinkable. It won't be easy but you have to follow your heart.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the feedback, i havent really made up my mind, because the idea of ending it is so horrifying. I just cant see a practical solution.
As to ending it in person your right, its the only way, my main concern was that face to face i might not be able to go through with it ;/
Thanks again
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (11 January 2012):
 I feel your pain. I just ended an LDR (thankfully by moving in together). We were 2 hours apart… and he telecommutes most of the time right now so he only has to do the 2 hour drive 1-2 days a week right now but we are braced for him losing his job in the next few months as they transition to having everyone in the office full time.
We have talked about moving closer to his office if we need to and then we would both have over an our commute… Thankfully he was willing to give up his job to be with me if necessary… otherwise I think we would be doing the same thing you guys are doing… figuring out how to cope with the LDR mess.
I agree it sounds like you have sadly already made up your mind what to do and I respect that. I wish I had an answer for you… Some couples I know actually do better living apart during the week. I also know that there had to be major changes in my life when we moved in together. I used to get up very early and get to work very early now I can’t drag myself out of bed when he’s there in the mornings…
You do need to do this in person. Over the phone would suck... you will both want that ONE LAST GOODBYE time together...
I have to warn you that this may go from a relationship that’s wonderful and almost perfect to NO CONTACT forever. I know if it was me… NC forever would be the only way I could cope with leaving someone I love.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2012): Your very practical, making this decision is not easy. I am wholeheartedly behind you both staying where you are for your jobs. As you say the market at the moment is shocking and life without work is miserable.
Three years IS a long time, without any progress. If you do end it as you seem to want to, then yes, do it face to face, she deserves that and it will be easier to get closure for both of you.Plus 'no contact' afterwards is best,easier to heal and move on.
It's so sad that you can't work it out, but if weekends are not enough and there is no way forward,to living together,then you don't have a choice. x
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A
female
reader, confusedgirljane +, writes (11 January 2012):
It sounds as though you've already made up your mind. Yes, there should be an initial period of no contact in order to get over her and it will be difficult.
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